Thursday Morning in New Diary

Well first of the month is here . I’ve already worked out a budget for December. I should be doing pretty good this month. Plan on getting Chocolatechip a nice Christmas present this year. I’ll probably spend $50 dollars for a gift card. Then I owe my worker $14. All of this comes out of my SSI check of $94. I should have $30 left over from that. I plan on ordering subs from Fox’s pizza today. This will leave me with eight dollars.

I get my social security check on the 2nd this month. This is $659. I will leaver $150 in the bank for Comcast. Then I will get a money order of $216.75for rent. I will have $292.27 Then I go to Gumby’s. I”ll buy cigars for Chocolatechip and myself This will cost $60. I will have $232.27 left. Then it is on to Wal Mart. I will load $23 on my debit card. This will cost $3.21. I should have $206.07 left. Then I set aside $150 for food. I have to pay Doug $10 in gas money then $10 on my laundry card and $10 for meds. I should have $26.07 left out of that. I will be ok.

I worry constantly. I worry about everything. One of my biggest worries is finances. I really get stressed out about it. Therapist says that the anxiety is caused in a great part by my imagination. I imagine that I will not have money for food or the bills. I will not have money for rent. But my check always comes. I spend a lot of money with cable and ebooks. But I always have money for the important things such as rent, food, meds I think I do a fairly good job of handling my money

I hope my worker comes today. She said she will take me to the bank and the Dollar Store. She did not come yesterday or I did not hear her knock. Anyways she should be here if she wants her money back. Another cause of worry is not getting a ride to the bank and the Dollar store today,. Then I worry about actually having to leave my apartment. I do not like going outside at all but I have to go to take care of business. Bummer

So I feel kind of anxious this morning. Tried to do breaking exercises my therapist taught me. They did not seem to work. Thinking about going outside and my finances is really causing a lot of stress. Imagination does play a big part. I always think the worse will happen especially when I have to go out. Nothing ever does happen but I always think about it and think about it. I work myself up into a frenzy.

Why do I do this to myself