well i’ve been sucking big time at writing everyday, but to give myself credit. i’ve been thinking about writing. haha of course that’s always. i am just to friggin lazy or whatever to actually do it. i’ve been sucking in a lot of areas lately.
went to the doc about my migranes, since they’ve been getting more persistent, and annoying, she is going to send me for a ct scan, just to make sure there isn’t anything seriously wrong, which will ease my mind a bit, though i really don’t think that it’s anything like that, i think its probably more something to do with my birth control. i’m keeping a calender now though, headache journal, i guess, so hopefully that will help me narrow some stuff down.
things have been going well. just the existential stuff that’s getting me lately. what the hell am i don’t here? what am i supposed to be doing here?
my business is going nowhere, because i choose not to do anything. am i even meant to be doing this? do i really enjoy it? or do i just keep getting caught up in the vibes and the hype?
honestly all i wanna do is sit on the couch and enjoy my relationship.
speaking of which, guess what i did this weekend? something new… i went deer hunting!
well technically i wasn’t hunting, i didn’t have a gun or anything, but i did sit in the blind for 8 hours, waiting to watch him shoot a deer. he didnt, we didn’t even see anything.
Disney had my expectations quite high, i excpted to see many animals out frolicking the forest, but all we saw was 1 squirrel and 1 owl haha . the owl was pretty cool though, swopped down right in front of us, and perched there for a couple of mins. he was hunting too. i love nature.
i actually really liked the experience, i will probably now be getting my gun safety course and hunting ticket next year. i think really i just liked the peace and quiet but you don’t realize how loud the forest can be until you’re trying to listen for deer. and every little breath of wind can send the trees chattering, which can be so deceiving and sound like something walking near by.
nothing else really new.... me and the hubby to be had a really nice talk on saturday night, we opened up.. well he opened up, apologized for some not so nice things that he said to me recently. i really love him alot. i know he loves me too… he carries a lot of anger from past issues though and it slips out verbally sometimes, but he is starting to recognize i think that i’m not going anywhere.. and he told me that he does trust me, which was glorious to hear, not that he has a reason not to, i’m 100% loyal.. i just never felt like he really completely let go on the trust thing. he’s been burned bad before, but all i want to do is take all that pain and hurt and throw it away and replace it with love and awesomeness <3 he told me he was impressed with me that i actually came hunting, which surprised me that he doubted me, my dad was a hunter and i feel like it’s in my blood. but it was nice for him to say that, he said he was proud, he didnt think i would be able to handle the cold and the boringness of it. but that was my fave part, the not talking, just sitting there, listening… it’s a beautiful thing, the sound of silence.
he made an awesome fire that we sat around saturday night after hunting and a delicious supper of chicken wings and home made deep fried french fries ( a treat for me) .. just the 2 of us, and we had a few drinks…usually when we are down there, we go out various parties for awhile but it was nice to just sit back and talk and relax with him… I barely drink anymore ,so my head was pretty big on sunday…that kinda sucked… and it started to snow, so the drive home was pretttttyyy shitty....lots of anxiety in spots lol but we made it home safe and sound, so thats the main thing.
he’s going hunting again this weekend, and i’m contemplating bringing the kids over saturday night..just waiting to hear back from a friend who i also told she could come stay the night, shes in a pretty shitty situation right now and i thought she might need a break.
well i guess that’s all folks.
happy travels. stay safe out there. <3
light & love <3
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