Whoa.....!!! in Since OD is shutting down....

I haven’t written in a while because my fucking internet wasn’t working and I had to wait for someone to come fix it. I’ve been busy working and dealing with not making a lot of money and getting cut early everyday so I’m not getting in enough hours. It’s just been ridiculous because sales are down and we have a new manager that’s always really worried about labor and what not so I’m hoping it’s going to be picking back up because I always need money for bills and everything else!

So lately I’ve been having pregnancy symptoms. I’ve had nausea, sore nipples for days and then I missed my period on the 16th. My friend finally talked me into getting a test. It came up positive immediately. I took 2 more with the same result so I went to the doctor on Tuesday and sure as shit, I’m 5 weeks and 4 days. I’m due in July. I’m still not completely believing it because I never thought it would happen.

I told Eric via Facebook messenger and he spent the night on Tuesday. He was stupidly happy, excited, and just shocked. We had a good night together and then the next morning he went into the gas station to get me ginger ale because I was so sick to my stomach and I found some shit on his phone of him telling some girl he loves her and wants to marry her. All the same stuff he tells me so I’ve been really heartless and distant. He says it wasn’t my right to go through his phone and he said that shit to her hours before I unblocked him but it just makes me wonder how many other chicks he’s telling this crap too so when he says it to me, I can’t take it seriously.

Yesterday, he asked me to get him a daddy gift. Like a card or a sleeper or something. Um, no I don’t need to spend any money on him because this isn’t about him. I had asked him to come poop scoop and he said I can do it because I wouldn’t get him a gift. It let me know that I’m completely on my own with this baby and I know not to ask him for another fucking thing. He also mentioned something about us getting a joint bank account to save for the baby and I let him know I’ve already done that. I will not have any ties with him because he’s already proven to be vindictive as shit. I could just picture putting money in some account and then him finding a reason to get mad at me and take it all. No thanks.

I always knew if I got pregnant it would be like this. No one really knows except my 3 closest girl friends, Eric, and my favorite co-worker. I don’t have much of a support system and I’ll be on my own. I’m okay with it as I chose to have unprotected sex and it’s my responsibility. Eric claims he’s leaving state in a week to go back to school and I really hope he does. I just don’t care for him to be around because all he wants to do is threaten me and is just drama. I don’t need any of that right now.

He’s worried I’m going to file for child support but little does he know, I’m not even putting him on the birth certificate. He’s really unstable, financially and emotionally so I’m not going to make it super easy for him to see his child and I will ask for supervised visits because if he can talk to me the way he does, it makes me wonder what (if any) patience he would have for an infant.

I’ve been messaging my brother about having his girlfriend come over and I just don’t think it’s going to happen. I’d rather tell her than anyone in my family. I know my parents won’t care but will probably talk shit. I won’t have a support system no matter what I do and that’s what scares me the most. I don’t want to be completely on my own because I didn’t get pregnant by myself but no one makes a lot of effort to be around me regardless so it’s scary and overwhelming.

The past 2 days things have been really good though. Everyone has been super nice to me. Probably because of the holidays and we are closed today. It’s nice to get a break in the middle of the week.

I did get an invite from my friend to come over for dinner later this afternoon when she gets off work so I might do that. I’m probably going to take a nap now. It’s still super early.