Exhausted / I Need my man to be Grateful Too in Days of My Destiny

I am floored today, absolutely exhausted. I did Battle PT for the first time again on Thursday and I forgot that it's not the next day that hurts, but the day after! Seeing as this one was my first session in about a month, it's really got me! My eyes were so sore this morning, too, I think from being in front of a screen most nights (which I don't normally do), plus laying in bed on my iPhone on facebook, since I'm home alone and feeling it this week. I haven't been falling asleep until at least midnight, which will obviously add to the exhaustion.

I found at Battle that I was a lot stronger getting out of the pool than I ever have been. I remember asking the leader what I could do to improve my upper body strength specifically to get out of the pool with less trouble, and he said push-ups. While we were away, I did push-ups almost everyday. I got up to 12 push-ups one day at camping and that felt AWESOME! I know that the minimum amount of push-ups I should be able to do on my toes for my age range (25-29) is 18, so I wasn't far off!!!! But now I'm back to 6 push-ups. It's okay, I'll work up to it again. Regardless, I was definitely stronger getting out of the pool and I was pretty happy with myself, knowing that this stronger body is a direct result of regular push-ups (even if it's not that many!). [Part of the pool sessions are jumping feet first into the pool at the deep end, turning around underwater to face the edge, coming up and hopping out of the pool without using the pool ladders. I look and feel like a beached whale a lot of the time, but the other day I found I was able to push myself up a bit further before rolling onto my belly than other times!!! Yay!]

At the end of the session, the leader asked how I went for my first one back and I told him I was dizzy because of how I swim. (I can't swim with my head in the water, so I end up turning my head from side to side with each stroke, which means that when I swim as fast as I can as often as I have to sometimes in the pool with Battle, I get dizzy! Must learn to swim properly.) I was wobbling all inside and felt like I was shaking as I was walking down the stairs on the way to the car. The leader then told me that everyone was going out for dinner together and would I like to join them? It had been arranged the night before. I said, yeah why not? It's not often I get invited to things, let alone spontaneously, and I love spontaneous invitations. I didn't have a husband at home waiting for me, so off I went with my girls. I sat next to Jackie who seems the friendliest one of the bunch. A lot of the people are snobby and although I don't normally pay attention to it or care for that matter (because I go to these sessions for my fitness, not for them, and not to make friends), it did get to me the next day when I was telling L about it because the rudeness just seemed non-stop that afternoon. For example I was talking one-on-one with this chick, and as soon as somebody else that she obviously knows well arrived, she cut me off mid-sentence and just shouted out to this other chick and that was that. I was left sitting there, conversation absolutely killed. She didn't even bother following up or trying to continue the conversation after that. The guys are a lot friendlier (they always are!) but even with them it's a bit of hit'n'miss. I think the problem is that most of them are a lot younger and also childless. It ALWAYS makes a difference whether you like it or want it to or not. I certainly DON'T want it to make a difference, but it just does. The other thing is that I am already socially awkward in the sense that, I can make GREAT conversation and show enthusiasm for about...... 5 minutes. After that, you better keep the conversation flowing because otherwise I will get tongue-tied or not have much to offer at all. It's a two-way thing. I'm still very much an introvert at heart (my big sister always saved me from awkward socialising until she moved away when I was 14, and only then did I learn to actually make an effort with people.... 15 years later and I'm still not great at it). But you know what? AT LEAST I MAKE AN EFFORT. I am not rude, I listen and interact in some way and try to show that hey, I'm sitting here with you, and even though I don't know you that well, let's have a chat!

ANYWAY.... so by the time it was time for the dinner, I wasn't feeling too confident, in fact I was even slightly nervous about how on earth this thing would go. And I actually sat at a really stupid spot. I ended up being smack bang between the kids and the adults. So I caught snippets of conversation from the adults closest to me, amongst the peals of laughter and squeals and annoying hypo activity coming from the kids. (Can people just teach their kids manners, seriously....... one girl was showing her fanny under the table and throwing food, and then someone else was taking their clothes off.... I mean, seriously now, people! It was AGES - probably an hour - before the parent went up to her and said anything. Why? Because he was seated at completely the opposite end of the table so he didn't even know what was going on half the time!!! Grr!) The other thing is that all the other people, they go to every session or at least WAY MORE sessions than I do, so naturally, there's a bit more comraderie (spelling?) and familiarity between them. The ones who ARE parents, they all live locally, their kids all go to the same school, so they're bound to see each other more and as a result it's only natural that they ARE building friendships where I'm not. The thing is, I don't care to build friendships per se, I just want a little conversation and decency here! It shouldn't be rocket science. Anyhow I was very thankful that I was sitting next to the friendliest lady I know there (and that's why I ended up in a stupid spot anyway because I gravitated towards someone who actually gives a shit and makes an effort). She at least made sure to explain parts of conversation to me and ask me questions about my own life, rather than sit there as if I'm not there, like the lady across from her, who would ONLY look at her, even though it was pretty obvious that I was a part of this social interaction. (People are stupid.) There is another lady who is friendly but she wasn't there, her name is Shannon and turns out she is the niece of M's school secretary, lol. Small world (very small out here!!!). So yes. We also waited for about forty-five minutes for all of the kids' meals to be brought out, and while it was great that they served the kids first, it meant that we actually ended up waiting an hour and a half after THAT for our own meals to arrive. By which time, all the kids were fed and tired. My appetite was gone, because that just happens to me after a particular time at night (don't know what that time is exactly but I suppose it's somewhere around the 8:30pm mark). My meal was put in front of me at 9:15pm and I ended up eating about a third of it. Oh well, at least I got a meal and well, despite the crappy afternoon in the social sense, I made the most of the bits of conversation I could participate in.

We're going to do a big dump run today. L is sorting through the cupboard as promised and he's almost finished with that. After the dump run, we'll go to J's house and pick up the towels and M's swimmers that I left on her clothesline yesterday, because we've been invited to our neighbours' for a swim and BBQ tonight. YES! So looking forward to being in the water again!

I told L this morning that he's back into stress mode. He was complaining about something that we can't change (state laws and car registration process and whatnot, it's much more complicated and expensive down here). When I told him he was back into full stress mode, he said, we need a holiday again. I said, no, you need to change your thinking. We can't change the laws, we can't do anything about it, WE chose to move here, we need to accept it. He had already complained earlier... when I told him that the chickens were laying eggs again and that we got two eggs today, he rolled his eyes and said, "Ner, just after we bought two dozen eggs." Like really? You want to have that kind of perspective rather than be grateful that hey, we have eggs, and secondly, it's a blessing we can even AFFORD to buy two dozen eggs???? (I bought that many because I have many cooking plans!) Anyway, I told him that he'll have plenty of time to complain when he's an old man (he laughed at this, lol) and that I won't hear it for much longer in the meantime. I totally get that he's frustrated about the system, and yes, there is always time to talk about these things, but when it comes up in the middle of a normal, calm, hang-out conversation..... it's just not the right time. It's almost as if he wants the conversation to take the direction of negativity and let's all sit here and whinge and just be unhappy. It's like dude, look around, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, we have a home and beautiful surroundings, we're all safe, everyone we know is healthy, you make decent living, we can afford to pay every single bill these days (even if things ARE more expensive here)........................... comprende? Anyway I said that if he whinges his whole life then I'm going to end up punching him when I'm 70. He laughed and said I wouldn't wait that long, lmao. He knows me well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahaha. Then he asked if I'll still greet him late at night in the nude when he comes home from work (like I did last night) and I said, "............. only if you stop whinging." Hahahaha, can't get a woman to lose, baby ;)