Containment and the Year of the Horse in Everyday Ramblings

The miasmic bone chilling Hound of the Baskervilles fog is back and I am having a heck of a time keeping my mood stable.

Can you help me out here while I work through my insecurities?

So I haven’t heard from Mr. Fine China all week. He had a routine state review on Wednesday that he has been preparing for over the last few weeks so it makes sense that he has been preoccupied.

My presentation on Wednesday went well. I could have been better prepared but considering the time constraints necessitated on my workflow I did a pretty good job. We got buy in from the participants, which is a huge thing.

After a little congratulatory nudge by me, this is what went out to upper upper management from our systems director yesterday. My dogged persistence, for which I took an enormous amount of annoyed flak for was also mentioned in a positive light by management during the presentation.

“I cannot thank you all enough for your continued persistence, diligence and effort to make the form(s) a viable option for departments. This is a wonderful first step in meeting our department’s objectives of streamlining processes, enabling users to be self-sufficient and centralizing functions (in a decentralized manner, if that makes sense ☺).”

In my world this is high praise and also a turnaround.

So back to Mr. Fine China… We had a lovely 9-hour date last Sunday. He showed me his office and his house and we clearly enjoyed each other’s company… This does not sound like a man who has decided he doesn’t want me in his life does it?

Trying to hunker down and peer around my insecurities I see a man that has a full and active life who now has a successfully renewed relationship with someone, when he gets a break in the action, he would like to spend time with again. But for now he is busy. He is 60 years old and is not going to change.

This is one of the reasons I kept breaking up with him. I felt I needed a tad more, umm, maintenance…

But you know my insecurities are not his problem. They are mine. All mine. :)

My question to myself is can I be okay with this? Seeing him when I see him and enjoying his company as is? I do want more. I want that daily interaction you have with a partner about the joys and accomplishments, frustrations and logistics of the day.

I get a good chunk of this with my family, particularly Kes (whose kitchen remodel contractor is driving her somewhat around the bend with similar behavior).

Finding Mr. Finch was a perfect antidote for Mr. Fine China. He was in the mix of my daily life from the get go, we starting sharing meals and a run down of our days and talked about poetry nonstop. I miss that. Of course I do!

Mr. Fine China is keeping his options open. And so am I. Maybe there will be a creative way for us to navigate all the worlds we inhabit, busy as we are that will work for us together.

But if not, once I get over being grumpy, I know I will have been grateful for this most instructive and enjoyable interlude.

First studio class on my own tonight! Lots of paperwork involved. The sexual harassment rider on my liability insurance policy is like 20 pages long!

My sister sees her first specialist today. So far with the blood work and CT scan it is looking like the cancer may not have spread. That would be the best possible outcome here and we are rooting for containment.

We are moving towards the lunar year of the horse! That is “my” year and I am looking forward to it unfolding in many positive ways in spite of my insecurities and someone’s inability to communicate in a manner that I would find, umm, supportive and helpful...