from: jan. 2006 in Depression

‘OK soooooo.........right, update; yeah last night I attempted.
I don’t know why I did it. As in, attempted. Don’t ask why cuz I don’t know. Some things in life can’t be explained.
And I seriously was preparing for death. I kept thinking of one of Ali - my best friend - one of her favourite quotes; ‘Death is just a state of mind’. So, apparently, is suffering. I guess anything can be. Or, is, rather.
And I was like ‘I’m sorry please don’t blame yourself please don’t ask my why bc I don’t know’. And then about halfway through I’m like ‘wait what am I doing? What the hell am I doing?’.

And then it’s like ‘um, what just happened?’. Yeah I tend to trance sometimes. It’s kind of freaky.
I still don’t know why. But I read online - on SH, actually - that when someone attempts suicide or is thinking of attempting it, it usually means that the person is under too much pressure and they can’t handle it. So, I don’t know.
Oh, and whenever I say ‘attempt’ or ‘I attempted’ it, as in, suicide.
People have every right to be worried about me. And they should. I don’t mean to frighten them here but I’m being honest. Sometimes, honesty and fear are confused.
I’m sorry I worry them. But they also know that with this kind of stuff - S.I., suicide, depression, etc - I’m going to be completely honest with them. ‘