from: june 14, 2012 in ED/Recovery: 2012 - 2016

‘Currently: 4:50 a.m

Currently Spinning: Heroin Diaries

i’m hot, tired as hell and a bit hungover. again. I had 4 malibus at the bar last night. yeah......i know. i know. And then cut myself off. they’ve gone up in price from $4.25 to $6.25, which surprised me, got a bit wasted.

I’ve only got 4 hrs of sleep since yesterday morning.And then Tues. I had that awful hangover. For part of the day I was unconscious not sure if I was asleep or passed out. woke up for awhile then actually slept.

Yesterday was insance. I went to the store w/ Mom, then the garden then Subway where my sister joined us. off to the mall, 2 sports stores, Target and then REI [i’m in the market for a new raincoat. and a new phone since mine’s currently starting to get sucky] the parents’. Out to dinner..........and.........back to my place where I slept for 2 hrs. then the bar.

And now here I am.

this must be how people who work/go to school feel. my god.

Tomorrow my dad wants to come by to fix..........some.stuff. Like my washing machine. This weekend I have Pride & James & I are going to a friend’s birthday party. Next week he has either Mon./Tues. off or Tues./Wed. i’m not sure which.

so yeah.

erm......................oh.right. I was talking about the drinking. So, I’ve gone 6 wks sober before. I want to try again. 6 wks. on 6 wks. off. That’s as much as I’m ready to do right now. really what’m i gonna do push myself no as that seems like a terrible idea.

I’ve been/I’m eating a bit better. Burritos & edamame. i’ve become more depressed [no surprise considering the - amt of - drinking i’ve been doing lately]. ..............................................

In the words of Nikki Sixx: ‘this withdrawl is killing me’. my god. i know. I feel like a fukin beached whale. Nothing against whales I happen to love them. they’re cool. it feels like there’s more liquid in my body then there needs to be. It started last Sat. at Max’s. ‘