from: feb. 2011 in Poems: 2006 - 2014

‘ ‘.........plucks his orchid

We were lying in the living room on the carpet in front of the tv our backs to it. Even though she’d seen me in my ugliness she still thought I was beautiful and loved me. We had roses and orchids growing everywhere her favorites. Both flowers were white. White roses for isolation, humility, loyalty and worth. The orchids for lust and elegance. Grace Kelly herself couldn’t have picked a better flower. Very ‘40’s very classic.

So there I was in my black hoodie holding my brunette beauty to me. She smelled good but she always smelled good. Maybe it was all the time she spent in the garden or maybe it was just her in her entirety. Some days I went without my hoodie she no longer cared we’d been together long enough. But I didn’t feel like being exposed right now. I was sad and she knew it. We didn’t talk.

I pulled her closer dying to itch the cuts that grew on my arms along with the tree. She found every part of me beautiful but not lovely she described it as shockingly beautiful. Because that’s what it first was when people stared and saw all the tattoos. They didn’t know what to think. But they judged me. It was very sad. They didn’t take time to be blind to who I was physically. Because that’s all they ever saw. At first glance. And that glance stuck with them. But, instead of itching I wrapped my arms around her. It was so much easier to run we both knew that. But it wasn’t always better. And she’d seen every. Part of me. We both knew something big was going to happen a change a big change. That neither of us would like. But one of that mattered now. It was quiet. And we were just there. Who knows how many hours had passed.

It took her awhile to open up because she was used to being on her own. She’d told me time and time again she didn’t need protecting. But maybe I’d changed her after, I myself changed. I knew she thought of me as gentle and loving and to her I was. She. We both were so careful with the flowers. Because we had to be. You have to be careful with everything in this world. And everyone. I’d learned that from her. But I hadn’t always been as she knew me now.’