from: feb. 2011 in My Days

‘5th**

Well, there isn’t much. She has a dogwalker now since she [kate/my sister] is out on Tuesdays from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. She called Mom [yeah.....of course she did] all upset because she was worried about Brewster [her dog] being in her place all day. well according to Mom dogs sleep a lot of the day so it really doesn’t matter. but i get that.

She met the dogwalker [Ben] at the park the same day she phoned Mom. apparently it’s hard to find someone in the city who’ll walk your dog only once a week. she’s paying him $20.

and that’s it.

oh. yeah. she’s now 21 has been since Jan. 22nd. I mailed her a Pooh card which she liked.......it made her laugh. awww yay.

*over the holidays she was reading Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle. Her next book is Love In The Time Of Cholera. and she doesn’t read a lot

*She used to like magazines but now doesn’t because she says the ads/products make her feel bad. Well yeah I get that. I read magazines for the pretty pictures and sometimes the articles. Or recipes.......or helpful tips. They’re good for collages.’

Here’s what I did today.

Absolutely nothin.

Well I was going to go to see Chinese wall dancers at my grandmother’s at 2. At 11 my dad phoned and said she wasn’t feeling well but I could go with him. um. no. or Mom who didn’t want to go.

So I slept untill 12, phoned Kate and Jennifer a girl I was friends with in high school. woke up at 1. um.........went back to sleep I guess. Kate phoned at 3, called her a few hours later and my friend Susie.

I also, was planning on going to Leela’s/the movies with someone but he emailed and said because of the weather [it snowed here. again. oh good more snow just what weneed. actually we probably do] it wouldn’t happen. emailed someone else who already had plans.

woke back up at 5:07. So then. I went to the store. in the snow. It actually wasn’t that cold. well, relatively speaking. it wasn’t the subzero temps we’ve had here lately. It was nice. quiet. shhhhhh don’t disturb the snow/winter. It wasn’t a music time. not because I, as everyone knows, don’t love music. because you don’t want anyone to disturb it. I felt like I was in Narnia. I got a few good photos. well someone “has” to take photos of the snow. My camera had trouble focusing.

And then it started snowing again and I really felt like I was in Narnia.

nothing spectacular happened at the store. I bought VitaminWater, yogurt and InStyle. wanted/needed change for Monday when I’m going to Starbucks. when it’ll be cold, again. oh good more cold just what we need. On the way to the store I was waiting to cross the street when a nice blonde woman’s car sort of collided into the curb. She beeped, startling me. as people often do. I wasn’t sure what she wanted.......turns out she didn’t want to spray me w/ the snow. well i didn’t want her to either. I mean it wouldn’t’ve been the worst thing…just something I’d rather not happen. that was nice of her. I thanked her. So on the way back from the store [when it wasn’t snowing. I’d opened up my umbrella then realising it wasn’t snowing. no. of course not] I saw the cutest dog. He looked like an old English sheepdog but light brown. He was all happy running in front of his owners in the parking lot in the snow awww. dogs are usually happy. and they like snow. Oh don’t worry the only cars in the lot were the parked ones. The lady had yellow rainboots on which I liked. i love yellow. oh and clothes lol as did the guy.

There’s something romantic about snow........

came back, tried to watch Shrek 3 but the tv channel was being weird. so now I’m watching City Slickers which I don’t find funny.

I was actually going to go to the store this morning but was asleep.

I think. [that] i made the best of today.’

‘so i went to.........

[1:10 a.m. atm]

the store last night. ‘last night’ makes it sound further away than it actually is even though i’ve only been home for 20 minutes to an hour. as in. it’s 20 minutes to an hour. not....yeah. well. obviously i went to the store. that’s where i bought the flowers. no i just always get free flowers.

that’d be pretty cool though. ‘hey you’re cute/sweet/pretty here’r some free flowers for ya love’ awww thanks. yay.

So at the store i got the tulips, a small teddy bear in a valentine’s coffee cup and a Snoopy red chocolate box. The tulips are a little flat cuz they were smooshed in w/ the others in the. uh. dude. lol. was going to get roses but they were about $10 more than the tulips, so. and they didn’t have irises. on the .....tulip wrapping it s ays ‘soil grown flowers’. uh. as opposed to?....

The store was relatively quiet.’

‘ ‘16th

Actually this is about yesterday. You know me I never post an entry when things actually happen.

Yesterday was gorgeous. nice. warm. sunny. but not as warm as Sunday which had been in the 60’s. yesterday was in the 50’s. although apparently at one point it was 67 downtown. I know, in February. last month we had a day that was in the 60’s.

god it was nice.

the promise of spring is..........it’s hard to believe it’s February with weather like that.

It felt familiar. it also felt like fall. it’s. hard, i guess would be the word. it reminded me of recovery. because this coming summer [2011] it’ll be 3 yrs since I started recovery. wow.

When it’s warm you don’t need to eat. because it’s warm out and you’re cold and then you’re comfortable.

but we all know how ridiclous that is.

Those days when you wouldn’t eat and then. get sick from it. it sounds really weird but I miss it. On those days I’d wear earrings. and scarves. actually there’r only 2 pairs of earrings I wear regularly.

Chipotle opened at 11. I was there before and it was closed. so I waited which I didn’t mind since it was warm. The guy was cute the chipotle dude. ‘hi what can i get you?’ and i’m thinkin ‘wow you’re cute’.

For the first time in awhile I thought of the first time I went to Chipotle. I was floating that day. I ordered a 7Up. i sat and drank it.

that never happens. that’s the only time i’ve sat there and had something. it’s a great place for lunch.

Yesterday. also reminded me of my ex. My, 2nd ex. the guy who assaulted me. but he wasn’t just the guy who assaulted me. We were together and that meant. i guess that meant something. that’s hard for people to understand. i wasn’t heartbroken when we broke up because we never officially broke up just drifted apart.

In a weird really weird way he was my home. I would’ve gone to The River but i didn’t have bus money. [the river’s behind the mall which you have to take the bus to]. but is that the only thing stopping me.....?........

it’s hard to remember it’s winter with weather like this ‘

‘’So earlier today [7 p.m. atm] while waiting for the mall shuttle after having seen a movie I started talking with this very nice very pretty woman. She looked to be about 40, plump, 5’. dark hair blue eyes. I asked how she was she asked how I was we talked about the weather....said something about going through hard times lately. I told her i get that. Said she’d finally found a place to stay and I was like wow.

I won’t judge you based on your social class [or anything, really] but I thought she meant emotionally. I told her I like helping people and do what I can. The shuttle came and I wished her good luck. she told me to h ave a nice day [which i was]. I really meant it too. I’m not going to say something like that if I don’t mean it.

wow.

what a humbling experience. it really makes ya think....it did me, anyway. of all the people I’ve helped over the years. On the bus a few summers ago a guy my age was going through a dififcult time w/ drugs, which i knew because he was talking w/ a woman [i think she was his counsellor] about it. I stood, gave him my tissues [what a trivial thing to give someone. it’s like here want some tissues? they’re free. that’s actually why i carry tissues in my purse] and we hugged. coming home that day I thought about him....and that I know what it’s like to be that lost. I came home [this was back when i was living w/ the parents] went upstairs and told Kate about it.

This is the first I’ve written about it. he was so nice.

I think about him from time to time, wonder how he’s doing. Again, you don’t have to know someone to help them.

I think, all that started when a guy up in Vermont that I didn’t even know helped me.

I’ve always liked helping people, always wanted to. That’s why I was put on this earth, to help people. discovered that when i was in high school.’

‘‘26th

actually this is about last weekend. go what the hell did i do last weekend. i............uh..........i did.something. oh i went on a date. with James. who is really cool. and cute. and hot. [sounds like someone else i know......my 2nd boyfriend! who looks like Mark from the movie RENT. who assaulted me. the boyfriend, i mean not.........yeah. lol]

He thought I was cute too. i told him a lot about me. He totally gets the music thing. which is great. We parked on Colfax and went to a grill for dinner where we each had burgers mine was veggie. omygod it was good. and then we walked around for an hour tryin to find 16th. When we got there we went to Paramount Cafe. Which was only open for an hour more. I had this huge fishbowl of a drink. it tasted like tangy bubblegum.

went back to his car and he drove me home. yeah we really hit it off.

So that was.........Saturday night into Sunday morning. I’ll have an entry about what I did Saturday coming up.’