from: may 2010 in My Days

‘ ‘I had one of the more interesting bus rides of my life on the way home. I’m not sure whether to be flattered or saddened. Um. Possibly both.

Ya juat never know.

So, I get on all smile-y. [The cashier at Target was quite good-looking. He had a tattoo, we touched on the subject of art, so. Yes apparently I can talk to random people]. I sat next to this big guy.

Now, for me those types either look huggable or intimidating. Also, David [the “friend” of my ex boyfriend, the one who assaulted me] was big, so.

The bus guy and the guy across from us started discussing SSI. The guy said he wanted to be an art teacher to teach people how to draw who didn’t think they couldn’t, because he couldn’t. To which I said ‘wow’. He told the other guy that it was relaxing, better than heroin, then told me he was kidding.

I hate when people do that and I can’t tell. Embarassed, I didn’t say much after that.

There was something off about both of them. The guy across seemed mentally off. He got off the bus.

The guy told me he wished he could be as happy as me. He smiles and it scares people because he’s big. I said ‘people can be so judgemental. I get that’.

So.........I’m flattered but also saddened. I’ve been where he is, lost and still am sometimes. I mean I’m happi-er. the operative er, letters being ‘er’.

I didn’t entirely trust him but I wasn’t going to come right out and tell him that. I mean I’m not a bitch. just shy.

First impressions can often be very misleading.

I wish him the best.’