Probably another double in Gratitude

Today what am I grateful for....hmmm....family? How about family. Yes. I am thinking of going to visit my mum tomorrow. She is babysitting my brother’s two kids and I have yet to meet the youngest one, although she is 4 months old already. It would be nice to go see all of them.

I’m thankful that my mum supports me. It has taken me a little while to realize that she DOES support me in what I do. Which probably stems from when I was a kid and she would bitch about having to go to my various theatre events (Especially since she didn’t even get the pleasure of seeing me- I was a backstage artist, not an actor…) It took me a while to understand that, as the youngest of 6, she was probably burnt out by chorus concerts, theatrical performances, etc. (By A while, I mean…well in to my 20s. Closer to my 30s).

It also hurt, when I came out to her however many Christmases ago, that her only response was “That’s a hard road to choose” Like....uhm....I am the very definition of Path Of Least Resistance. Why on EARTH would I CHOOSE to be gay?? But whatever. She, in her way, accepts me as I am. Even if she doesn’t necessarily understand why I am that way. I think we have a much better, mutual understanding of each other now that I’m truly an adult.

As a kid/teenager/young adult I never thought what I did was good enough for her or for my sister. But I think in actuality, it was MY standards that I wasn’t living up to, not theirs. Even though they were pretty vocal about my living in this small town even after college, and my life choices not being lucrative.

But I’ve gotten over that, for the most part. I’ve come to love them despite all of that other mumbo jumbo. And. I guess, since my sister DID loan me a butt load of money for this house, that they’ve come to accept that I’m gonna do me, and do what makes me happy. Even if it isn’t what they imagined for me.

Of course, my family is bigger than my mother and my sister. There are 4 brothers, a million nieces and nephews, aunts, uncles. But I’m not close to any of them, except for one brother. (The one whose kid I haven’t seen yet). I only see family a few times a year, usually due to conflicting work schedules and my need to just CHILL OUT on my days off, rather than drive 2-3 hours to see people.

And then there’s Gloria, the birth mom, and her two kids. She and I keep in touch via texting now, so that’s been nice, and I follow her kids on FB.

So. Yeah. I’m grateful that I can accept whatever acceptance my family can give me at any given time. (I say this now, but always am aware that I’m in a Good Place right now. This could all change…)

I went to the psychiatrist yesterday. He upped the doxepin in hopes that I will sleep better. Did I say that yesterday? I forget. I really should reread previous entries before I write new ones.

Then again, this is MY space and it’s a pretty lucid picture of how my brain works (or doesn’t work hahaha).

I am supposed to work 7-3 on Saturdays, but my boss needed to switch me because the other supervisor on Saturdays called off. So my boss is working my shift, and I’m working the other guys shift. In exchange, I am getting December 3rd off to go to a Wine Walk and exhibit my art work. So, yay.

I was just going to write something. It was on the tip of my tongue. Oh yes! (Do brains have tongues?) The house…The people who do the title search and stuff called me yesterday. That’s all good! (Another hurdle I wasn’t even aware I was crossing until I passed it....) She tentatively set the closing date for December 5th at 9am. Could this be a reality?????