GRATITUDE, DAMNIT! in Gratitude

My heart is heavy. I walked in to work today and one of my coworkers just looked at me and said “I’m sorry…” heh.

I am grateful for FB, because for as many Trump supporters as there were in the past few months, even more people have come out and said how heavy their hearts are, and how they grieve for their LGBT, non Christian, non white, female friends.

I do not voice my political opinions on FB for many reasons. One is because I know nothing of politics and don’t feel qualified to speak on what I don’t know. And two, because I am friends with a lot of coworkers- people I have to see every day- who support that mess of a man. And frankly that scares me. So I hide my opinions. I don’t repost the meme or two that succinctly convey what I feel. I just let it be. Let it be.

I’ve never been afraid, but I am afraid now. And I can’t even name the fear. Maybe it’s just sponged up fear from all of my friends who don’t support Trump. Maybe it’s my own fear. Maybe it’s both. I don’t know. All I know is, my heart is hurting today. What if it does get as bad as they fear it will? What if fought-for liberties are taken back away? Can that happen?? (I ask in all seriousness. Can they take away gay marriage and make it null and void??) Can they turn back time…

I was so distracted at work today, and that’s not me. I mean. I get distracted about things, personal things. But never political, global things. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that I tend to compartmentalize. I’m better at doing it with things that aren’t directly affecting me. And maybe that’s where my fear comes from....the thought that maybe these things, this outcome, will directly affect me and my quality of life. What if I’m never allowed to marry KC? Should we go out and do it now, just in case current marriages are grandfathered in, so to speak??

I just don’t know.

But. Back to being grateful. I’m grateful for people who recognize the fear, who acknowledge it, who make me feel less alone in it. I really am.

And tonite the little group I go to that meditates is getting together (cuz Wednesdays is when we get together, not just cuz of the election). It’s usually only a 20 minute get together. But it will be nice to be among friends. Among people who get it. I need hugs.