A very presumptuous plea to my American friends in Juggling with Hedgehogs

Today, America is electing its President.

I’m not American. I’ve never even BEEN to America. So I have a bloody cheek even writing this entry. I don’t understand American politics much, even. But I have been very happy since Barack Obama has been in the White House, because I feel the world is in safe hands with him. I don’t know the ins and outs of what changes he’s made to real American people living their lives there, so again, I have a bloody cheek writing this.

But America and the UK have a special relationship. Where America goes, we tend to follow, and vice versa. We’ve been pretty much joined at the hip since the World Trade Centre bombing (sorry, can’t call it a center and can’t do 9/11 because we don’t do our dates backwards)…and rightly so.

But I’m so SO terrified of Donald Trump that I have to ask my lovely American friends to please not vote for him. He’s insane. I swear he is in every possible sense of the word, insane. He’s deluded, he’s a liar, he’s a sociopath, he’s a misogynist, he’s incapable of uttering a sentence without bigging himself up, and he’s WAY too sensitive to have access to the nuclear codes (yes, I know that’s been done to death by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, but it can’t be said enough). The fact that he wouldn’t rule out using nukes to finish off anyone that annoys him is horrifying.

I still can’t even wrap my head around the fact that he’s running for President. That he got that far, that he is STILL in the running despite all the things that are out there about him - the fake University, the bankruptcies, the groping, the fact he pays none of his own money to charity but claims to give millions, the fact that he claimed to own the entire Empire State Building, then changed that to 40% then 20%…I could go on and on....the man is unhinged. Electing an unhinged man with an ego the size of Jupiter is a really really stupid thing to do. Please don’t be stupid. I love you all, and the world is fucked up enough. Please don’t fuck it up more. I know Hillary isn’t likeable, but she can’t be any worse than him. It’s just not possible.

Now, you can all feel free to tell me to go fuck myself because I know nothing of American politics. And you’d be right. But I know a crazy scary evil lunatic when I see one.