laid to rest in A Day in the Life of Me

This may not be easy to read

We laid my father to rest today.

The same reverend that married them 26 years ago, spoke at his grave side.

I’m not sure which was harder, leaving the hospital Thursday night, unable to let my mother walk out the room with her, not being able to close the room door, or leaving his ashes in the grave yard next to his mothers.

Every time I close my eyes, I see him slipping away right in front of me. I see him putting his arm up to his forehead like he used to do when he was tired or falling asleep in the living room on the couch.

He didn’t know me when I went in. He was asleep due to the morphine he was on. But his eyes did open briefly and I let him know I was there and told him I loved him. I held his hand, and let him know I was there with him.

I held my mother tightly while keeping a hand on his leg as I watched him finally give in to his final rest, told him I loved him as he took his final breath, and then collapsed and broke down when it was over.
Fought a headache for two day.

We both belonged to a a snooker pool club, and we used to play as much as we could get in when I was visiting home, or he came to see me either in the valley, or the city. He racked up the hours, and got the 500 club jacket a few years back.
Mom gave it to me when we got home from the hospital, along with his cue.
I fell asleep with it draped over my shoulders that night. It was the only way I could get to sleep.
That’s how mom found me Friday morning, when she came to get me up to go to the funeral home.

I miss him.