Work bs, car appt. in Since OD is shutting down....

So work has been getting to me a lot this week. Seriously. To the point of me thinking about either getting a second job or moving on all together. My boss showed up the other day and told me that if he catches me without hat again that he will send me home. Well, if that happens, I’ll fucking stay home. I don’t get how the fuck it’s a big deal when I haven’t worn the fucker in well over a year and now all of a sudden, it’s a big enough of a deal where I have to wear it. I’m also not sure how I feel about the new manager guy. He’s nice but then a complete asshole over the dumbest shit.

I’ve been pretty stressed about my car having the heat issue that once I fix it, I plan to sell it. I’m still really worried about it blowing a head gasket or something and I’m just terrified of that happening. I love that car but even if I keep it, I don’t plan to drive it much. I told one of my co-workers about it the other day and he was like, “well you have 3, don’t ya” and it’s like yes bitch I do but I freak out when one is broken and these damn things are like children to me. What I’ve spent to buy these cars and maintain them is crazy and I’ll do what I have to for them! \

Anyways, yesterday I got sent on break for 4 hours and took a nap so I wasn’t completely into it when I returned and dealt with bullshit until I left. I’m scheduled way too many hours for the week and something has to give before I get burnt out and find another fucking job. I’m sorry that we don’t have enough people and never do but this isn’t a career and I can’t stand being there all the fucking time!!

I plan on going to see my friend this weekend but that’s only if I can make some decent money because once the rent and car insurance comes out tomorrow, I’m not going to have much left. I’m well below where I should be due to not making shit for the past 2 weeks and have to dip into my savings to fix my fucking car. I also have to get my medications, buy cat food and litter and want to buy a radio for my main car. I’m just sick of not making any money and it’s getting really old. My bank account in suffering horribly.

My Mom text me last night and I know she wanted me to come visit but I’m still pissed about my Dad treating me like shit earlier this week, from them not offering to help get my car to the shop, and I don’t have any money to give them. I know that because I didn’t bring them groceries or give them money the last time I went to visit is why my Dad was being such a fucking prick and I don’t want to go through that again.

I don’t want to be used and mistreated anymore and I’m supposed to be okay with it. For instance, this guy that I used to work with that stayed here for like 5 days last year before I had the roommate hit me up on Facebook and asked for insulin. He takes the same kind I have and I don’t use it anymore because I don’t need it so I met up with his the other morning and I gave it to him. Somehow he mentioned something about needing a bed and wanted mine. I didn’t offer it to him but he decided that he wanted to come for it today. Well, I had asked him a few days ago if he could help get my car to the shop and apparently couldn’t because he has to work tomorrow but then awhile later, asked if he could have the bed. I let him know that my ex-roomie is to come for it and if he doesn’t, I’ll let him know.

I just don’t get these motherfuckers that won’t do shit to help me, even if that means giving me a fucking ride but want me to give them whatever I have because they need it. Well, I’m just not that person anymore. The bed is legally mine as it’s been here for more than 30 days and I plan to switch out the mattresses because that one is way more comfortable than mine but I just haven’t done it yet. That bed has a bunch of shit sitting on it and I haven’t found the time to move all the shit off it and switch them out. I don’t owe it to anymore all because I have it and they don’t.

Then…Eric. Okay so he’s homeless yet again because he claimed he gave money to the roommate for rent and the guy didn’t pay it. Even after me telling him what I went through with my roommate, he STILL has the audacity to ask if he can stay here. No. FUCK NO! The other night I met up with him with my manager that had gotten fired and even now, all he wants to do is argue and thinks I slept with my manager. I’ve told him a million times that we aren’t together and I don’t owe him any explanation. He messaged me at 4am a couple of nights ago trying to argue and I told him I wasn’t going to because I had to get up early for work so he continued to message me until I blocked him! He was basically trying to make me lose sleep over drama and negativity and I wasn’t having it. I let him know that he needs to get help because he’s fucking crazy.

I forgot to write about the funeral I went to last Tuesday morning. My best friend that’s locked up asked me to go. Her step Dad died from liver failure but I let her know I’d ask her Mom first because she’s fucking crazy and has hated me for years and I wanted to make sure it was okay before just showing up because she’s the type to start shit, regardless if it’s a funeral or not. I get there and 2 people said hello (which was her sister I don’t like and her tweaked out aunt) and then I got stuck sitting in a chair that made my back hurt behind a fucking pillar so I couldn’t see anything going on and was struggling to hear because I was sitting so far away.

As soon as it was over, I go to book it out the door. The guy I met up with the other night was there. He seriously walked in front of me, made eye contact and kept walking. I was like whatever. I got in my car and rolled the fuck out. I will never attend another funeral after this. No one gave 2 fucks about me going and yeah I understand because their Dad died but I felt so uncomfortable and out of place. Ugh, never again!!!

There’s such a big part of me that wants to move because I honestly just don’t feel like I belong here. No one really gives a shit about me unless I’m doing shit for me and no one makes any effort to see me unless they get something from it. I’m just over looking at the same shit and driving the same roads everyday. My friend that I went to visit 3 weeks ago wants me to move there but I just don’t know. She also said I could come for Christmas but it was only after I mentioned that I didn’t plan to see my own family for the holidays. I won’t go there because I don’t want to feel like I’m invading on someone’s Christmas.

I just don’t feel like anything is ever going to change for me. I’ve been in the same spot for so long that this is who I am now, I’m 31, single, and I’m a cat Mom. I know that I need to make some changes but change isn’t easy for me and let’s say I did move. What if I didn’t like it? If I came back, it would be a lot of hassle because I have so much shit, 3 cars, and 3 cats.

Anyways, I’m gonna go brush my teeth and get ready for bed.