Crunchy leaves and nature in Gratitude

I don’t believe in God. Or rather, I don’t know if I believe in god. If I do, I don’t believe god believes in me :op I’ve never had a strong sense of faith, in anything. I went to church into my teens, but quit as soon as I was able. I just didn’t jive with the whole Jesus/Holy Spirit thing. It didn’t make sense. I didn’t like the way the story played out.

Which left me…spiritually bereft....for my 20s and 30s. The I went to AA. Where they really push spirituality. In a higher power as you see it to be. No pressure. At least, not in the group I was with. It was so invigorating. So reassuring. That I could have faith in....whatever. It really made sense. How having faith in SOMETHING can really save your soul, so to speak.

Still. I searched and searched for something to have faith in. Religion of the regular variety didn’t do it for me. So I tried to think of when I felt most grounded, most connected, most at peace. And the answer then was simple: In Nature. When I was behind my camera lens, or even without my camera, when I was taking in a sunset or the way the sunlight fell perfectly through the trees.

And some say, well duh, that’s God at work. Ok, fine, whatever. You see it your way, I’ll see it my way.

But really. Nature soothes me, calms me, reminds me what it’s all about. And I wonder if all people feel that way or just some of us. I realized, after working with the youth that I work with, that not everyone feels that way. 99% of the kids that are sent to my facility HAAAAATE nature. They get to go out to the courtyard sometimes....a bricked in area of cement with a basketball hoop…and you’d think they were dying if a moth lands on them. They are fascinated- but terrified- of the grasshoppers and caterpillars. They scream like little kids when a bug gets too close. It is hilarious and disheartening at the same time. These kids grew up on the streets. Most of them have never been to the woods. Most of them have probably never seen a sunset and appreciated it for the spectacle that it is. Some have, I’d imagine. But most don’t have time to be worried by the beauty of nature. They’re too worried for their lives or for their families’ lives.

So today KC and I went on a hike in the woods. And it was lovely, crunching through the leaves, inhaling the sunshine and fresh air. I took a zillion (ok, 40) pictures, cuz that’s what I do. I’ll put some of them at the end of this entry.

So today I am grateful for nature. For it being my Higher Power. For being able to appreciate the colors of fall and the way the earth feels under my feet. For all of it. Dappled light on the sidewalk, baby bunnies in their nests. So much. Too much. It fills my heart to bursting. Is that what faith is?

Last updated November 06, 2016