NJM 6 in NoJoMo 2016

Still hurting. I found something that really really works for my pain, but omg (TMI here) It’s really cleaning me out. Granted, my IBS has been horrible due to stress, and I was constipated as hell, but I spent the better part of the night on the toilet.

So the stuff that works? Kratom. wikipedia on Kratom

I didn’t take a full dose, maybe about 3/4 because it tastes pretty … bitter? Kind of green tea-ish but more bitter. I know I do have to be careful with natural remedies for all the common sense problems, but it worked so good on the pain! And yes, I felt kind of stoned. Haven’t felt like that in a good 16 years or so. Not drunk and sluggish, just mellow, relaxed, yet it gave me a boost of energy, made me kind of chatty. It was nice.

I had gotten the samples a while ago, stuck them somewhere (I don’t know where Pam found them when she was cleaning my stuff up), so when I saw them yesterday I was all like “Hey! I forgot about these! Let’s see how well it really works on pain.”

I’m pretty impressed. Except, y’know, the whole diarrhea thing. Sorry. It’s gross. But, it happens.

Because I didn’t sleep, spending time on the toilet, and just being so worn out from doing so much I couldn’t go help Pam over at moms house. I feel bad about that but there isn’t anything I can do.

I am making them American Chop Suey for supper over there… well, I’m making it here and Pam will bring it over there. I already have the sauce made (thank you time change for fucking me up), so all I have to do is cook the pasta later.

Pam and I are still communicating well, although reading her pb bothers me because of the notes from others. I’ve just been painted as a bad person for so long people just don’t trust me to do right by her. I get it, but it still hurts.

One of the things the therapist brought up was dating while we’re apart. Now, I haven’t taken off my engagement ring, I didn’t even do it when she kicked me out. And I’m not going to take it off any time soon. We’re working on ourselves, and our relationship, too. I don’t want to date, especially when I need to work on myself. Dating would seriously fuck things up. Seriously.

omg that’s it. I’m taking some immodium.

Anyhoo.

Another thing Pam brought up was me flirting with people. This is a major difference between her and I. I guess because I’m an extroverted introvert, where she is (imho) an introvert. I’m more like my father so even when I’m just being myself I come off as flirty. lol it would get my dad into trouble sometimes, and boy it can get me into trouble, too.

I don’t mean to be like that. It isn’t intentional, but some things that come out of my mouth can be taken the wrong way. It’s just who I am. I feel a little bit censored when she says I’m being a flirt. Trust me, if I were actually flirting, it would be flirting.

Poor Tyson is pacing. I’m trying to get him used to being down here with me, but I think he is having the same problem I have with living down here. No windows. You feel really closed in and like you’re in a dungeon even though there’s quite a bit of space. Skit is used to being down here. He comes down to sleep on the couch when Pam is working… or rather, when Pam was working down here. He’s snoring on the couch as we speak. Tyson seems to feel compelled to lay on the floor and that bothers me. There isn’t any padding underneath the carpeting, so the cold, hard cement floor is just centimeters away. Makes me sad. I even put out his old dog bed but he won’t use it :(

Eh. I’m babbling. I think I need a smoke.

See ya!

Last updated November 06, 2016