Wednesday evening in New Diary

I had a visitor from my case manager today. She called me this morning to remind me of our appointment for tomorrow. She asked me how I was doing I said not too good and I can tell you about it tomorrow. She said she had some time this afternoon and was wondering if I would like her to come down. I said sure. that would be nice.

So she was down here around 1 this afternoon. She saw the traps I set out. I told her I had roaches. I said I was pretty bummed out about it. We talked about it for a while. I said I told the office. They are going to send someone to spray the apt on the 10th. I told her what Alice told me to do buy traps and set them where I saw the roaches. I said I did as I was told.

Case manager said that is the downside of living in a high rise. If one person has roaches then everyone will get them. They crawl threw the walls. It was not necessarily a bad reflection on me or my housecleaning abilities. She asked me about that. I said I do the dishes daily and don’t leave anything out on the sink or counters. She asked if I take the trash out daily I said I do that. Then she was talking about cleaning the stove. I said my worker does that. She asked when was the last time I cleaned the oven. I said it was for inspection. She suggested I give it a good cleaning.

We talked about other things as well. We talked about appointments for November. I have four appointments. These were the appointments I cancelled last month because I didn’t want to leave my apartment. She asked me why I cancelled them was I afraid to leave my apartment. Anxiety was very bad the night before and I didn’t sleep. She said I need to tell the doctor that. She asked me if I will be up to going to the appointments this month. I said I will have to go and deal with the anxiety

We talked about the first of the month. I said I went on the social service van. She asked me how it went. I said fine. I didn’t have any trouble in Wal Mart. It all started when I was waiting for a ride back home. Anxiety hit me big time. Then she was saying her agency was cracking down on rides to a grocery store. She said a lot of people were using case management to take them shopping they were getting only one or two items. She said her boss was encouraging people to limit their shopping to once or twice a month. I said I have already been doing that. I like to do my shopping on the 3rd when I get my Social Security check and on the 7 when I get my $16 in EBT She didn’t seem to have a problem with that either.,

Then we got on a very touchy subject for me. It was about finances. I said I can’t make my check last the through the month. We were talking about different ways I could save money. She suggested that I buy off brands when I go shopping in the store. I might save some money that way. Then she asked about my cable bill. I said it was $149 a month. She asked if that was for phone, internet and cable. I said yes. She sort of strongly suggested I get rid of cable. I could use Netflix or Hulu. I did not reply to this I did say I already talked to Comcast and they said it wouldn’t save me that much money right now.

We had a very long discussion about finances. I think I spend my money wisely. I always have money for rent. I always have money for food, meds and laundry. I always have cleaning supplies. I don’t see where the problem is. If I was not doing this then she might have cause for concern. I only get so much a month and it goes on what I need. I do ok I just can’t make the money last all month.

Other than the talk about money we did have a nice visit. I felt better after talking with her. Then I started thinking about our financial conversation and I started getting a bit upset about it. I kept thinking about it and thinking about it for a long time. I made myself sick over it.

Also thought about going out again tomorrow. I do not want to go. But I got bills to pay. I need some groceries. This time my case manager is picking me up. She will be with me in Wal Mart. I will not have a ride home. But I’m already thinking about this and thinking about it. I will be a basket case by tomorrow morning.