i was thinking of running away. but then. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

i realised i have nowhere to go that’s just mine ya know? [or maybe you don’t]. i’m like gina. in that bon jovi song. that i used to sing all the time at karaoke. ‘livin on a prayer’ that’s what it is. and my mom’s is out of the question since well she & my dad are there so. like i’d want to go somewhere where no one would find me for a few days.

actually i have. about 3 yrs. ago I ran away from the house I was staying at. yeah the lady told me ‘you can do what you want when you want’. well ok how can i say no to that? just gave me a free ticket. [although i probably should’ve said no to that]. she worked during the day. so. i left. I told my friend Mark where I was going so someone knew. i don’t think he would’ve told anyone which was why i told him.
but then. People got involved. laura the attorney who I don’t like. and my first mentor. and i still don’t want to see laura unless I have to so. but like.where the hell would I go? i have nowhere to go where other people aren’t living. so that’s the main thing stopping me. and we have an alarm system.and it would just.be more trouble than it’s worth.

so for now. i’m still here at my house. the house.

The people reading this are the only people who know i’ve been thinking about this. i probably won’t bc of the reasons mentioned above. if i tell anyone i’ll tell a friend who won’t say anything.

and my biggest goal. like for me personally ever since i ran away then.has been not to. and i haven’t in 3 yrs.

i wouldn’t tell someone who could actually you know.do something about it. i’m not being abused just so everyone knows. if i was i’d tell someone. no that’s not why i want to leave. but it’s just. seems every damn day there are new changes er changes. regarding me. and/or my life and/or my stuff. and i want that to stop.

even if moved. it’d still be the same. also i’m trying to make it a yr. here and in feb. it’ll be 10 months since i moved in. i’m not counting when i was at my mom’s or the days i was on vacation. so in april it’ll be a yr.

i um. i won’t tell valerie. clint & i had an agreement that if i ever felt like this i’d call him. well turns out clint told valerie something that wasn’t his business to tell. i don’t care. and i’ll never forget that. So that’s the reason I won’t tell valerie this. anything that she isn’t going to keep confidential i won’t tell her. i won’t tell my mom i won’t tell my psych. or my sister [not that i tell my sister much] so i’m blogging about it here. i figure.long as i tell someone long as i get it out in some way.

so yeah. for right now like i said. i’m staying at my house.