so yesterday. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

So last night I went down to the food kitchen. to get milk [er the food kitchen. are there other kinds? wow. don’t mind me my brain’s going faster than my typ.......ing]. anyway the kitchen. yes i went down to the kitchen to get milk.cause I was thirsty. now i really don’t like milk but i really really really don’t like water. so when I was down there I noticed that the food closet was locked on the bottom. probably bc of me cause I go in there all the time cause i’m well hungry and i’m not weird about food. er people eating mine i mean. well i guess people can be weird about anything. i’m weird about.i’m weird about the way I want things like the placement of things. like i don’t like it when the faucet’s not to the side. the kitchen faucet i mean. also things haven’t been going well and hey why not add more change right?

and idinno that’s what i do.i think everything’s about me. milleniels right?

before that happened. There used to be a nail that was somewhat wrapped around the door of the food closet. well it was a long nail and it was pretty easy for me to get the ‘stuck’ door open. if they didn’t want me opening that close then they would’ve had to try a little harder than just the nail to keep it closed. and they did.

well she never said she didn’t. other than his food. she just said to ask and i don’t do that cause again i’m not weird about people eating my food. sorry but that’s not how i grew up. i grew up w/ well at least at my mom’s if you were hungry you got something from the fridge and ate it. i’m like that too. if someone’s that hungry then please eat. i know what it’s like to not eat. I don’t remember how it was w/ my friends I know in middle school we went to Emily’s. but i don’t remember if like her parents had food out for us or..........but we all went. Emily Ginger Tara me and later Jessie. Tara’s the nicest. she’s sweet. well no one was mean exactly. they just all had their group and Susie and i were on the outskirts of it. no wait i went to Ginger’s house but i don’t remember.........how it was w/ food. or at Susie’s. i remember ginger getting drunk once at someone’s house.....um anyway.

a couple times at my place like when I first moved in I had friends over a few times but it was. you’re hungry you go and get food from the fridge or wherever. no permission needed.

i mean I have my food but I didn’t have anything to drink w/ it [i realise this contradicts my earlier sentence above where i talk about the milk. no ok we have milk but it’s not just for me. it’s for them so] also i don’t have tissues to clean up the microwave after i make the beans so.that didn’t happen. there’s only so much space in the house for anyone’s food. you know it’s like at my mom’s where there’s enough food for me. we go to the store every other wk. and I don’t feel like my mom’s making exceptions for me when she does that. and so therefore i don’t feel singled out and so therefore it’s ok. The lady & I’ve never gone grocery shopping together. also i used to do that w/stephanie and that’s another reason i don’t want to. and stephanie would talk to everyone. and when you’re grocery shopping w/ someone 2 hrs. is a long damn time. whereas when i’m grocery shopping by myself i avoid everyone. like i don’t interact w/ people and i don’t want anyone interacting w/ people when they’re grocery shopping w/ me. you can do that on your own damn time.

We’ve [my mom & I that is] gone grocery shopping together for the last..........like 6 yrs. just the environment has changed. when I was 15 I went to boarding school came back when i was 16 and from 17 - 18 lived at my mom’s. so i wasn’t moving in after a long period of having been away is what i’m saying. but at ‘my’ house i am. welli mean not physically.

so when I haven’t gone to the store. usually the only thing I eat is dinner. so well ok i do eat. I get up around 2, 3. and then when I do go to the store I get of course food but i usually only have enough on my card to go 2 times a month maybe 3. So the most I eat is when i’m at my mom’s. in fact i eat a lot there. and i only go to the store once a wk. but eventually i’m hoping to go more than that when I start taking the bus there and having the lady pick me. or walking there actually.when i have more time. well unless it’s super cold and then no walking. cause the cold no.

and i don’t like love food or anything. but i need it everyone does. and i don’t want the lady doing my grocery shopping for me esp. not now considering all the other things she’s done forme as of late. not that i wanted her to before as i didn’t. so i’m stuck. and part of that is my fault and part of that is the money situation. i don’t know who exactly it is that’s in charge of putting money on my card. it’s some vague random person. but i don’t know if i’m eligible to get more. or not. i’m not sure that i went to that appt. w/ my mom way back when. and when we did go to the appts. she never explained to me how it all worked. it’s just like ‘ok so this is what makes you eligible and for the food thing these are the rules’. and that’s all i know. And the other money is going to pay the lady for having me live w/ her so. which again technically in a way makes me her boss. but not like her actual boss. you know i’m not the one she reports to.

wow this entry turned into an entire entry about food. and people. and food closets having locks. and my refusals to do things. and people being weird about food and that i’m not. so yes.

so anyway. wow that was long.