Why Are You At Work? in meh...

This is the question I keep getting.

It’s not even that I will be sitting at home eating everything.

I’ll be sitting at home with too much time on my hand to do what? Cry and cry and cry some more? That’s not useful to anyone. Not useful to me.

I’m actually fooling myself right now. I’m talking about my sister. I’m mentioning that she’s passed away. I’m saying it more, but it’s still not real.

My mind is already going forward, seeing her body. I’m not ready for that. I want to call her and ask what the hell is wrong with her mother.

I’m holding back tears now. My former supervisor came and gave me a condolence as well as my buddy from upstairs. My son is gonna hug me too long and I’m going to eye leak again I just know it. Still haven’t talked to my dad yet.

I connected with a friend of mine who knew we had this venture together. I didn’t want to linger on that. It was good to catch up with him though.

I don’t feel like the bullshit of politics.
I don’t feel like playing games all day.
I don’t feel like doing my homework.
I don’t feel like being surrounded by phony people.

One aunt of mine, some of my stepsiblings are just being unbearable and all about them. My sister didn’t like them for real. Neither do I. Actually some of my siblings and step siblings I don’t mind so much, but a few of them can kiss my ass they are so phony. Only me and big sis mess with each other and say “Your daddy” but when we talk about him around the others it’s “My daddy”. We are each other’s favorite and closest sibling, though I try to have a relationship with most of my siblings.

No one can claim more hurt over another.
Half of them didn’t even check on her.

I’ve been posting things I remember about my time with her.

I am so sad on the inside.

Stoic.
That’s me.

Kindest Regards,
Sister