Just a little tease in What's up

Very introverted lately. Diagnosed with PTSD for the second time. First time EMDR worked wonders, this time it helped, but not enough.

It’s hard to compare my experience with people who have killed in battle or seen comrades ripped to shreds in war, but I score 90% on the CAT test (the gold standard I guess for PTSD testing.) I have all the symptoms save two–the intrusive thoughts and nightmares have mostly stopped.

One of the causes listed is the sudden, violent death of a loved one, even if you didn’t witness it. They don’t say anything about spending two weeks moving and cleaning a house smelling of her rotting corpse, but I assume it doesn’t help. Childhood sexual abuse also predisposes one to the disorder. Check.

Frank is a rock. Takes me how I am and never, never waivers. I don’t know what I did to deserve him, but I know I need him and I’m so grateful he is here.

December we will be married four years, October marked 12 since we met. He knows me, every part–his love is solid.

Trivia: when you say “symptoms of a DVT” in an emergency room, it’s almost as good as chest pains or a closed airway. They take that shit seriously. No, it wasn’t, but they don’t mess around. I’ve already died once from a pulmonary embolism.

I got better.

Oh, did I ever tell you about the time I died? Sorry, I didn’t know. Not until a few years ago when I got my medical records from the two surgeries: one planned, one emergency. They should tell you when you die, don’t you think?

Anyway, this got morbid. Sorry, I just wanted to check in. Hi.