Do Not Make It So. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

The dream started as if I was waking up. I checked my phone. It was 9:30 am, but I was confused as to why it wasn’t completely bright out. I was in my old-old bedroom. I looked outside and saw a snowbank the size of a house blocking the road. It looked like we had a blizzard the night before. I went outside to take pictures. I was a bit puzzled that grass was still visible. There were some people around I was accused of being rude for wanting to be left alone to take pictures.

I’m somewhere else, walking along the side of a snowy road with some friends. I find myself suddenly on the cold ground. Noting that I can’t seem to get up, I realize it doesn’t make any sense. That is, I should be able to get up - and so I must be dreaming. So being a logical person, I tried to think sexual thoughts.

I have limited success with this, but this time IT WORKED. I was getting a blowjob by a cute brunette. Enthusiastic deep throat. Knowing Lexapro makes it difficult (but not impossible) to orgasm, she tells me that if I’m going to cum, to just cum. I’m a bit aggressive, but to thank her I pull her up and give her a kiss. This quickly shifts into bouncing cowgirl. (Thank you, porn logic.) Stuff’s feeling good, and just as I’m about to put it in her ass, the scene shifts.

I’m in a public bathroom. I notice I’m naked and still quite erect. Knowing I’m still dreaming, I figure I’ll exit and see what kind of trouble I can get myself into. And that’s when it happened. The punch line of this entry. You’ll never guess who I bumped into.

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Yes, he was in full uniform. And, of course my dream-logic told me there was about to be HOTGAYSEX with the Captain of the Enterprise. Now, I’m okay with HOTGAYDREAMS, but my immediate reaction was DO NOT WANT. I used an old trick of trying to wake myself up. Sometimes works, but on this case it just transitioned to another scene which I can’t remember.

I woke up with a tingly but anorgasmic erection, and reflected that that’s probably the closest I’ve ever gotten to a fully wet dream. Damn you, cockblocked by Picard!

What’s funny is if you asked me while conscious whether I’d submit to some Captainly shananigans, I’d probably jump at the chance. But in terms of HOTGAYDREAMS, I’d prefer some hung anonymous twinks, much like how this brunette was not anybody I’ve met before. Not that Patrick Stewart isn’t hung like an Admiral. Just easier to let go in dreams if they’re not someone who exists. But with all due respect, a cute girl’s face replaced by an old bald guy is a bit of a downgrade in terms of my sexual preferences.

Last updated October 23, 2016