The Salvation-go-round in Meeting Mr. Jesus Christ

Oh my goodness it was good to get back to Bible Study Fellowship last night. I have been starved for anything that would connect me and another person to God. The one time I was to my own church since the week before Christmas was the night of the children's program, which was good, but not a proper worship. I went to mass on Christmas day which I'm sorry, it just sucked. I haven't stepped foot in a church service since and have missed my “church family” deeply, not to mention getting education with others.

I've done more study on my own in the past two months than I think likely in all the times since I became a Christian and have enjoyed almost all of it. Naturally some has been uncomfortable, or even down right painful, as I have zeroed in on self-examination in serious matters. Getting back to BSF with the women, being able to be somewhat open about my personal study was a very good thing. There was something in the study that opened the door and I just put on the table questioning one's salvation cause I went through that for a short while last month. Then last week I knocked down a heavy study on my own taking myself through scripture as the measure.

I wrote pages and pages of notes in doing so as I sifted through;

Romans 3:12 They have all turned aside; They have together become unprofitable; There is none who does good, no, not one.”

Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Romans 3:20 Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin. James 2:10 For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all. 1 John 1: 8-9 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Psalms 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.

I was comforted deeply to find out every single person had questioned their salvation in one way or another at some time during their walk with God, in no way at all was I different or had an odd experience. In the end I realized a hefty dose of depression, absence from my church family and not keeping my eyes focused on Jesus gave room for Satan to mess with my overly tender mind. Though I have been sick for quite a bit of time I am still much stronger in my walk with Christ than I understood. I see God was right beside me all this time, doubt only got in because I let the door close making hard for me to get through.

After class tonight I went to Janet's and ended up staying there until 5:30 a.m. We looked at and discussed some videos by Christian talk radio personalities. At 3:30 am those folks can get fairly colorful and down to the real business and set the nonsense of CNN aside. Some time had passed since I last had opportunity to do that with someone and I had a good time. Reviewing/refreshing on some study;

Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord; Lord, hear my voice! Let Your ears be attentive To the voice of my supplications. If You, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You, That You may be feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope. My soul waits for the Lord More than those who watch for the morning— Yes, more than those who watch for the morning. O Israel, hope in the Lord; For with the Lord there is mercy, And with Him is abundant redemption. And He shall redeem Israel From all his iniquities,

Sometimes we feel that we've lost our hopes And lie in darkness without a friend. When we're done with thoughts of wrong to us, We think of all the wrongs that we've done And ask ourselves, "Can God forgive us? No one could face the judgment of God If it meant, 'Each sin will get its due.'"

From darkness, we cry, and God will hear Our plea for mercy — our change of heart. Our God forgives whoever will turn From darkness to light without deceit. The sinner who turns should walk in awe Of the One Who gave and keeps the Law, Yet makes a way away from judgment.

Sleepless at night, let's watch for dawn. Our light will arise; the Light is God. There's hope for you, for me — for the line That's chosen by God to live the Law. The Law is love, for our God is love, The spirit of truth above all lies — The Spirit Who saves the lost from sins And changes their death to life in God.

I'm tired. Maybe more tomorrow.