Prayers & Fingers in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

While it is true that I did not get the best vibe during my interview… I am hoping that my interview spoke to the Firm. And what I’m hoping they heard was:
Here’s a kid that wants to work; that has been putting in hours trying to teach himself how to do a job he clearly doesn’t like. He wants to work here and he has the experience to hit the ground running.

In short… since I’m supposed to find out tomorrow… I’m praying (and asking for prayers) that tomorrow my phone rings and there is a job offer. And I am saying it like that because… truthfully… even if this specific firm doesn’t call me to offer a job… I’ve applied to a bunch of places lately… so my prayer is that tomorrow gets me one step closer (somehow) to getting a mentor that can help me do my job. Because… of all the million things that bring me down in regards to this job… the one that continues to make me feel bad… is that I’m not even operating at 30%. I am a hard worker; I love being professional; and I could do an amazing job… but dumping me into an office and walking away certainly doesn’t get those results. Which creates an unfortunate loop effect.

Even though I want to do the best job I can… in a lot of ways, I am already doing the best job I can. But “the best job I can” is nowhere NEAR what I believe I am capable of. I honestly think that I really could do this lawyer thing. Working with clients, judges, other attorneys. I really think I could do an okay job at this thing. But right now.. I’m doing the best I can… knowing I can do better… and not having the first clue how to get there. And that is what has been so… emotionally crippling (today… perhaps always, but just said with different words). All these cases… all this time… a young, energetic employee willing to work hard… but with so many pieces of the EMPLOYEE PUZZLE missing… it gets frustrating and super unfulfilling.

Which is why, again, I ask for prayers and hopes. I genuinely need a place where I feel like my work ethic can be guided… where my drive to succeed can actually mean something.... and I am deeply hoping I hear good news in that regard tomorrow.