I hate whining but sometimes it helps...I guess. in In My World

Prepare for some woe-is-me bullshit. I had a bad day and I just want to tell someone. I want out of my own head.

First a little update. I’m still here. Fall break for school is Monday and Tuesday…then right back to midterms on Wednesday…JOY OF JOYS (sarcasm of course). I’m stressed the fuck out. I am caught up in my classes but I’m worried about the three midterms I do have to take this week. At least one of them is an open-book take home quiz. The other two have study guides. One of those is US history which I’ve taken twice already and did horribly both times. The other of which being child psychology. I’m doing well in that class although I am missing two important assignments. I already took my pre-calc midterm though he doesn’t call it a midterm, he calls it a test. There are 4 instead of just 2. But the final is cumulative. (AKA kill me now, please.) I’m doing fairly well this semester, at any rate. I think I have three bs and a c. Though one of my classes is awful at filing grades.
I dog sat Friday and Saturday night and made a little bit of money. This was awesome apart from the fact that I couldn’t sleep over there. I tried really hard but it just wasn’t happening. In the last two days I’ve slept about 5 hours total, I think. Maybe even less. I’m not sure anymore. I slept for less than an hour last night and maybe a 10 minute nap after that and one more 10 minute nap. Now it’s 1:30AM and I’m still awake. My weekend plans fell through also. I was supposed to go apple picking with friends on Friday but they’re all awful at communication so we all thought we were talking about different days so it didn’t happen. The other thing was I was supposed to go visit my brother 3 hours away at his college, but boyfriend’s job wouldn’t give him the days he requested off…even though he told them way in advance that he’d be out of town. We could have gone on Tuesday instead, but at this point we probably can’t afford it.

Today was awful. I slept for less than an hour for the second night in a row. I was freezing when I woke up. I finally got warm (over-heated) about 20 minutes ago. I tried to take a 2 hour nap earlier but instead the boyfriend and I got into an argument…and by argument I mean me telling him all the things that are bothering me and getting silence in return. I’m still pretty fucking pissed off about something he said. There’s also the part where we never finished talking about the shit that’s wrong in the first place. He’s at work right now, too, so it won’t be for a while yet. It’s not a big deal, really, we’ll work through it but I’m still pretty angry. I feel like shit. My chest/lungs feel heavy from a combination of allergies and not sleeping in two days. I haven’t really eaten much today. I ate Chinese food for dinner with my mom and my grandma but I think that’s all I’ve eaten. Wait, I ate a rice cake and a pluot (plumb apricot cross thing). I feel pretty shitty and I know I’m probably hungry but, honestly, I feel like if I eat anything I’ll just feel worse.

On the note of my plans falling through, I’m really going to pull the woe-is-me card....I’m sick of none of my plans/vacations working out, It’s really upsetting, it’s bullshit and I’ve spent way too much time crying about it. I had half my summer plans fall through. Warped tour was alright. We stayed down their that night and were supposed to be there for the next night and through out the day after that before driving home…We got into a wreck that morning completely ruining all of our plans for the whole two days. I didn’t even get to play in the ocean even though we were there all day. All these plans fell through, and basically any other plan I’ve made in the last about 4 months has too. Even my freaking birthday sucked. Seriously it was one of the worst days I’ve had all year. No contest. Boyfriend made up for it being so bad by throwing me a surprise party for me…which was fun, don’t get me wrong, it’s just not what we’d planned. I’m just sick of feeling like a victim all the time. Like no matter what I do I can’t even have ONE happy day for myself. They all go to shit.

I want to stop feeling this badly, it’s really starting to get in the way of everything else. I want the argument to be over and settled. And above all else…I just want to sleep.

Goodnight, Everyone.