the halloween pledge in poetry

The Halloween Pledge:
I will not slut-shame or
size-shame anybody’s costumes
but I will absolutely stupid-shame
where and whenever appropriate.

I will not tell you
that your Harley Quinn get-up
is too sexualized for you
but I will certainly tell you how
everyone’s wearing that this year
you’re being goddamn unoriginal
do something different.

I will not tell you
that you are just too fat
to be a bawdy German barwench
but I will certainly point out
any cultural anachronisms
you may have cobbled in
attempting to look Octoberfest.

I will not tell you
that you are too fat
or too lascivious
I will however tell you
if you’re too lazy
or too obvious

Take it all with a spoonful
of some sort of pumpkin spice
I’ll do my best to be fair
though perhaps not nice.