The 3 Weeks Away in Days of My Destiny

Bec Laughton, seriously. I am loving her vocals. Though she is MUCH more enjoyable live. (Isn't everybody though, hahaha!)

Camping was amazing. It was the part of L's 3 whole weeks off that ACTUALLY felt like a holiday. Before that, it was busy busy busy with family, and dealing with family also having other visitors at the same time. It left little time for anything else. We stayed at L's parents' for 4 nights, then stayed at a hotel in Brisbane for 2 nights on our own for a bit of buffer time before heading off to mum's for 4 nights. So the 4 nights with L's parents was the way it usually is - sickeningly predictable and organized, and as usual, they were in our faces with all of our conversations and we highly lacked in privacy. Despite that, I think this time I had a lot more sympathy for his mum. We went to see his grandma and we noticed a huge change in her since we last saw her. She has aged dramatically and it's not getting any easier to visit her. She slept the whole time. The "buffer period" I had so anticipated went to shit, because by that time, M was giving us real trouble. She regressed to being an angry, angry person, and a big sook, like a 2 year old, really. We had takeaway in our hotel room the first night, and the second night we had dinner at a really nice restaurant. It was all spoiled by her behaviour that just took over every fun thing we tried to do, it was really disheartening. We went out for breakfast one morning and she cried because the ice-cream that came with her pancakes was melting. (grrrrr!) And so on. She was doing a lot of things to get the wrong attention. Added to this was my frustration at trying to parent in this new way guided by the book (which is SO WORKING for a girl like M), while L kept getting angry and arguing with her, specifically because he hadn't made a commitment to read the book yet. [He has started it since and has found it has helped him in leaps and bounds.] In between all the shitty bits (which was most of the time), M wrote us little notes, with things like, "I hope you have a good holiday" or, "I wish you'd give me another chance, mum," after being in trouble for something or other for the millionth time. It felt like it was her way of communicating "sorry" to us. ANYWAY, most of it was HER ATTITUDE (to life in general) and by the time we were in the car, on the highway, on the way to mum's...... I just broke and lost it. For the millionth time, M was rude and shitty to me for no reason at all, and I responded with, "................Can you just STOP being so fucking RUDE already????" and then I told her off pretty much all the way to mum's. It was crap, and the lowest of all lows on our holiday, and anyway by the time we got to mum's, we had to pretend to be happy and all that crap you have to do just to get by. My feelings didn't pass too easily, because my mum had organized, seemingly at last minute, to have one of her old friends with us for New Year's Eve and on top of that I was told that nobody really knew when this friend was leaving. I was highly disappointed. Can mum just stop doing that already?! What it meant for ME was that, although I had travelled 600kms to see mum and spend time with her, she sat there talking with this friend for the duration of the friend's stay. Of course I had other people to hang out with (my siblings) and I more than enjoyed that, but it was the fact that this friend's presence just changed the whole ATMOSPHERE of home, for all of us. All the teenagers were equally frustrated by it. I found that the only time I actually spent with mum was when the friend would go to bed at 10pm and THEN mum could come outside to sit with me and whoever else was with me, and we'd sit and talk until midnight. The friend left at some point, which gave me ONE DAY with my family as FAMILY. [As soon as the friend left, mum started bitching about her, practically saying what a relief it was that she was gone. I immediately put mum back in her place, because the friend did not bombard us - MUM INVITED HER TO STAY. I get sick of people not taking responsibility for their actions, so I confronted her about it and she said I was right and that next time, she will know better. Phew.] M's behaviour went through the roof at mum's, too. We went jet skiing with my sister and her husband (and friends of theirs who were visiting also), and that was FUN AS. I'd never been jet skiing and I absolutely loved having the water spray up on my face! I was laughing and "Wooooooot!!!!"ing so much, lol. Unfortunately that in itself was cut way too short due to the general way things are run when mum and dad are involved, and as they were following US to get to the place, we couldn't just LEAVE and aahhhhh. I was only too happy to get away CAMPING by the end of it all.

On the way to the camping place, we stopped in at one of M's old friends' house. The first thing the little friend did was run outside towards M, with her arms outstretched and she shouted out, "M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and as she put her arms around M, she said, "I've MISSED you, M!!!!!!" I think this really uplifted M's spirits and made for a nice change in scenery on our end...... by the time we got to camping, both our girls were back to their normal selves. (It frustrates me that they can't just BE THEMSELVES every time we go and visit family. I don't GET IT. But anyway.....) So for a week, I relaxed, sunbathed to the point of sunburn (lol, last time that happened I was 17 years old in South America!), I read a thick novel in one week (omg when does READING even happen?!?!?!?). It was amazing. We hired these go-kart like bikes and rode around and around for an hour. There was a water park there, so we spent plenty of time there, too. I noticed I was nowhere near as self-conscious of showing my flesh to the world as I have been in the past. The fact is, this body has birthed two children and doesn't have anywhere near as much time for exercise as it once did, and therefore, it is what it is: smooth, beautiful, able to do many many things that many other bodies aren't as privileged to do. So I have learned to celebrate my body, and this was a nice realisation. At night after the girls went to bed, I sat in my camping chair, next to my man, drink in my hand, philosophising, talking of our fears and dreams. It was SO bonding. We discussed the world and society, and the ways in which we want to make change in our lives. We talked about how real change takes small steps. We talked about how senseless consumerism is hard to witness, and we shared ideas on how to manage this with his parents. (The amount of Christmas presents my girls got..... was disgusting. It dampens my spirit, it's the only way I can put it.) We talked about what we would ACTUALLY DO as individuals should one of us die. He talked to me about how dangerous his job is (something he doesn't do often, because apparently when we first moved here, I told him not to tell me any of it or else I'd want to move home - which would work against his dreams and plans and CV). He told me how thankful he is that I am still supporting him throughout it. We re-visited the decision to stay down here for another 4 years, but with the knowledge that should anything happen to any of our parents in that time, or should one of us not be able to handle living here anymore, then that plan would certainly change. All of it was bonding. At one point throughout the week, I was ready to make ZE LOVE! but found that he was not responding at all to any of my moves, instead treating me like this cute little pet that he could pat on the back. It drove me mad!!!!! I ended up in tears over it, confronting him, and boy did he make up for it from then on ;) tee hee!

The drive home was filled with amazing scenery all around us - hills, greenery, cotton clouds filling the endless skies all around..... then we returned home to that old, familiar, outback heat. It was a bit of a shock to find how dead and crunchy the grass is now, especially as it has only been THREE WEEKS since we left, and it was green then. In those short 3 weeks, our own lives carried on, we got in touch with our old selves and way of life, that we easily forgot just how abrasive the elements are out here. Our chickens were all there (we realised the next day that actually no, two are missing/dead now), only too happy to see us. They look thirsty, as do the trees and the land. I resolved to look after all of it with heart and soul, to connect to the earth and have the awareness needed to make anything thrive out here. Today I dug a trench around the bottom of our orange tree and put the hose on it, so that all day, a slow trickle of water has been watering that precious, natural supply of life. The next day after we arrived, the girls woke up early and went outside to catch a chicken. We were none the wiser until we got up and saw them sitting on the lounge with a chook in their lap, lol. I held one and it leaned its head on my chest for a long time, as if to say, "I'm SO glad you're back." It was the most beautiful thing! We also have our doggy back now, who was looked after only too well. Apparently it reached 46 degrees celcius while we were away. I am so thankful that he was looked after by the best people. It's his first birthday today, by the way!

So we're home now, and the girls are only too happy to re-discover all their old toys, lol. L has gone on a cheaper phone plan with his mobile and we have felt liberated after cancelling the home phone that we rarely use. The heat is bearable for now, but that's only because it's sitting at around 35 degrees Celsius. Anything more and we will have to fix our air con without further delay!