Life and stuff. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so it’s been a little while since I’ve written. I’ve been pretty busy with work and had a couple of hook ups. I worked 44 hours last week and I’m now worried about the housing situation again. My bank lady sent a wage verification to my boss and I’m sure she’ll call and let me know what’s up after she gets it back.

I hooked up with some guy that knows my brother last Thursday night. He swore up and down that he wasn’t about one night stands and blah blah blah but yet, never heard back. Whatever. It bothers me but it is what it is. I ran into an old fwb on Saturday after working 12 hours and we hooked up on Sunday. He had messaged me this morning and said that I had ruined his day off and called me a stupid bitch so needless to say, he’s back on my blocked list. I’m really annoyed that no matter how many times I tell this guy to talk to me with respect, he just can’t so that’s why we can’t ever stay consistent.

Work is going alright I suppose. Come to find out, my ex is still talking behind my back and telling people that anything I say about him isn’t true and blah blah blah when I seriously don’t say a fucking word about him so it makes me wonder if he’s truly worried about me talking about him or just trying to make people believe I’m some kind of liar. Needless to say, I don’t care and I continue to go about my day. I only have to see him a couple of days a week and go out of my way to avoid even making eye contact.

I’m still pretty lonely and everything but I work a lot so it takes the edge off. I just remind myself all the time that if people wanted to be in my life they would be. I’m obviously alone for a reason and someday I’ll figure out that reason. I know a lot of it has to do with the world we live in and the times too. Most people just want someone to use and for me, I just want someone to spend time with and get to know. I ain’t out here trying to use anyone so I’m honestly sick of people just wanting to use me.

My Mom has talked to my brother about me seeing his kid and his response, “I’ll think about it” meaning they still want it to be some kind of special privilege which means that even if I do get to see her, they want the same shit storm it was and I’m not going back to that. I miss her but I am not going to allow them to control my life they did before. They seriously controlled me and every aspect of me for way too long so I don’t know if I would even want to see her because I’m too afraid of the same thing once again.

I didn’t get much accomplished on my days off. Yesterday I slept a lot and it felt so good. I honestly can’t wait to get off work tonight so I can lay down. I’m just super tired. I’m sick of working all the time. Ugh.

Anyways, I’m going to finish getting ready because I have to run errands before work.