Call it Thursday in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

So… this is how days go.

Yesterday: Des Moines. Civilization. Traffic. People. Saw the family Dog. Ate with my parents. Communicated with other lawyers. Felt like a person again.

Today: Tiny Town. Nowhere, USA. Empty. Even Cecilia isn’t in the office today. Haven’t seen a single living thing. Ate by myself. And… I did receive an e-mail from an attorney today… asking why an indictment hadn’t been filed. To which… that is the kind of case Boss explicitly told me she would take… so the bigger question… why hadn’t boss filed the indictment by Deadline? Seriously… how extraordinarily useless is this woman?

Flipping through case files…
alcoholics… meth addicts… the meth addicts all live together or within close proximity to one another… thus the meth addicts beating each other up, then covering for one another, then committing sexual assault. The alcoholics are spread out all over the county… driving, beating each other up, and causing public disturbances.

And this is my world here. This is my world. Empty. Lifeless. With the occasional reminder of how terrible people can be to themselves and others. The even more rare reminder that nothing is done to stop them. And why should it? When the alcoholic beats up his alcoholic wife… judge issues a $100 fine… because the judge has vowed to never put someone in jail.
Meanwhile… our Sheriff’s department is back in the County newspaper. Because of corrupt, double dealing, favoritism abuses.

Being by myself for 9+ hours a day is bad enough for my mental health. It is bad for most people. But you add in the uselessness of my boss; the open disregard for justice by the Magistrate; the public abuse of power coming from the Sheriff’s office; the unbelievable interference from local politicians; the unwillingness to provide electronic resources… I feel like I’ve been dropped into a Nightmare.

And while the paycheck is to be appreciated................

I’m having just about the same luck applying/looking for work as I had for the previous 2 years. And it isn’t like the Employment Search sites are all that helpful. In my “recommended for you” jobs e-mail today was “Kennel Cleaner”. So… my J.D. makes me the perfect candidate to clean out dog kennels for $8 an hour?

This is my conundrum. When I accepted this job, the justifications (that still remain with my memory) were as follows:
1) I need more experience; this job can give me experience.
2) I need to learn the basics of Iowa Law still; this job can teach me more.
3) I need a steady paycheck while looking for work because poor and/or broke is NOT an appealing notion.
4) Wife really wants to get back to Iowa, so this at least gets us in the State if not the right city.

Well.... I suppose this job is counting as experience. But considering this county’s reputation for dysfunctionality… I can’t confidently suggest that it is the kind of experience that can HELP me get a job in the future.
As to learning… yeah, no, I’m fucked. Totally and completely fucked. Yes, I learned a bit more about the Basics than I had before the job…but as far as meaningful, career-enhancing learning.... I’m fucked.
As I mentioned before… the paycheck is helpful. Making money while looking for work is always preferable… but if the job paying prevents future hiring… is that really an acceptable trade?
Yeah… state or not, I shouldn’t have done this. I mean… when other NW Iowa Small Town Residents point to this county and joke about how foreign, strange, fucked up, and dysfunctional it is.... yeah… this isn’t so much “a return to Iowa” as it is “exposure to the worst of Iowa.”

Interesting Thought Experiment.... pretend you know nothing of what I’ve been saying… then travel with me a few months back and pretend that you have to answer this:

I’ve come from the future and you must make a choice about that future. Either you can take THE LEFT PATH; move to Des Moines, live off Wife’s full time job at Wal Mart while you continue to look for work, see family and friends every week, and hope and pray that a job turns up. OR you can take THE RIGHT PATH; move to Tiny Town, allow Wife to go Part Time at Wal Mart while you work a job you don’t like, see family and friends rarely, and receive a paycheck while looking for work. Which path would YOU take?

I suppose… pitching it to myself like that… even knowing what I know now; I imagine Past Me would have taken THE RIGHT PATH. Motivated by fear of poverty, Past Me would have considered it a no-brainer… receive a paycheck while looking for work. So if I know Past Me would always have taken this route… why isn’t it more comforting?