Tuesday afternoon in New Diary

I have been kind of depressed since yesterday afternoon. It all started when I was going over my budget for October . I thought that without a computer payment I would have extra money. But after going over all my expenses it doesn’t look like I will have any extra money. I went over everything ..

I get $753 a month . I leave $160 in the bank for Comcast. Then my rent is $241.75 This leaves me with $351.25 I set aside $10 for meds and $10 for laundry. I am left with$331.25. Then $3.18 for the cost of putting money on my debit card. I plan on putting $20 on it in October . This leaves me with $328.07. I will spend $180 for food and This will leave me with $148.97 minus $38 for cigars leaves me with $110.07., I need $17.50 for a state id card and $40 for cleaning supplies. This will leave me with $52.67 I plan on splurging and ordering sub which will cost $22 I will have $30.67 free and clear

I was making a computer payment of $134.00 per month I got the thing paid off this month. I was thinking that I should have all kinds of extra money in October I was thinking I could get a bus pass and start going out once or twice a month. I was thinking that I would not have to worry about money so much because I will have one less payment. After going over my budget figured out I will not be much better off. All the plans I had about getting bus passes and going out are not going to materialize. Looking at my overall financial situation made me very, very depressed.

I thought about the times Chocolatechip and I used to go out all the time. We went out t o eat a lot., We had money for cab fare and dinner. We would go out three our four times a month I remember how much fun it was going out to differ4ent places and getting out of the building. I thought we could be doing this again maybe not so many times but at least once a month. I thought since no longer making a computer payment we I could afford to be a big time spender again. But it is not going to happen,

I thought long and hard about how I am spending my money. When we were going out all the time I wasn’t paying Comcast for phone, Internet and cable tv. I thought how for years I lived without any connection to the outside world. I spend most of my time reading but I rather enjoy having the Internet and cable tv. I have my favorite programs and channels to watch at night. I like having my own computer and being able to read the news online. But it cost money. I realize I can afford to have all this and eat at home or go back to nothing and eat out all the time. I cannot afford to do both.

I thought about what I could give up to have extra money., I thought about giving up cable tv. But I really like the channels I get. I really like having something to watch. My hole life I wanted my own computer and cable tv. I am really enjoying these things and for now I can afford them I do not want to give them up. So it looks like eating at home

It made me sad thinking about this., Felt kind of depressed all afternoon. But I perked up after dinner. I cooked dinner tonight., Chocolatechip cleaned the kitchen., We had a good time together at home. We watched the news and she left for her own apartment. I thought we had a good time doing that together doing that

After dinner I was all set to watch the debate I’ve been looking forward to this Wanted to watch it. I ended up falling a sleep on my couch at 8;30 Next thing I new it was 4:30 in the morning. I slept right through hit . Oh well I can watch it on You Tube.

Now it is time for affirmations 1 I have a roof over my head. 2 I have insurance that pays for my meds 3 I have food to eat. 4 I have clothes to wear 5 I have a wonderful fiancé in Chocolatechip. 6 I am not hooked on alcohol or drugs. 7 I am in relatively good physical health. 8 I have a worker that comes in fixes breakfast and cleans. 9 I am debt free 10 I have a wonderful support system in Healthways. I have an SSI and Social Security check

Life Is pretty damned good and there is no reason to be depressed