Morose Monday in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

A capsule of my day:
Awoke to my alarm at 6 a.m.
Got out of bed and crossed to the alarm clock.
On the way to the alarm clock, I considered what my day likely had in store for me.
I hit the snooze button and returned to bed. No reason to rush into the depressing nothing of life.
Thirty minutes later, the alarm rang again. Again, I considered hitting snooze but ultimately decided postponing my fate was an empty gesture.
Ate cereal and read prosebox on my tablet, largely unable to comment due to the horrendous internet access we are paying far too much for.
Drove to the courthouse, nothing there, drove to my office, nothing there. My world is empty, hollow, and lifeless. There is reason, even if melodramatic, to believe that for some… this is what hell is like.

Over the weekend, I received a response e-mail from my father. I had asked my mom and dad that, since they went to one of the biggest churches in the state… could they perhaps ask around to some of the lawyers that surely attended. The response: “They agree with the Asst. Co Attorney approach but did stress going for a county that is growing & healthy.” In other words… attorneys in the know suggest… get out, get out now. Which translates into two things from my perspective. (1) You are right to worry that your present location will result in a dead end career; (2) You are absolutely correct in your desperation to flee your present situation in an effort to advance your career.

So… I just applied to a job “back home” that pays less. Less pay, more expensive living. But… in all, there are financial sacrifices I am more than willing to make in order to reap less tangible benefits. The job requires a “bachelor’s degree only”… and the “wage range” is actually well above what THIS county is offering the County Attorney so… all told, it would be a lateral move fiscally. It is to be part of a Crime Victim’s Rights team. Helping victims and being part of a team? Yeah, I’m interested. Not really sure if I could do it or if it would be something I’d be good at. But… I figured I might as well try. Way I see it is this:
I could wake up in a place that has no life for me, in a place where there are no people to befriend, and hate my job while making a small amount more money. OR
I could wake up in a place that is teeming with life, a place where there are friends already with the promise of more, a place that has churches that aren’t closing left and right (so I could go to church again), and hate my job while making a small amount less money.
Which would you chose?
That being said… there is less than zero assurances that I would even be called for this position. Hell, third resume sent in 2 months. Part of me feels bad about that… it is absolutely a sign that I am trying to flee and get the hell out of here. Now, while that might be accurate… that might be exactly what I am trying to do… I still feel bad… a little. Because I accepted this job; I said, “I will be the Assistant County Attorney” and… now? I’m trying to get out of that responsibility. At least, that is somewhat how I feel. Of course, the other side of that coin is: I said I would be the ASSISTANT County Attorney… a position whose very definition would suggest that I’d be working with the County Attorney… which is far from the truth of it. So… we’ve all fallen short of our agreement. But as those who have read me for a long while will remember… even should another party fail to meet their requirements, I typically try to meet mine. BAH. I spend too much brain and too much heart on this matter. But...... well.....

How bad is this place? Corrupt Sheriff kept the Police Officer Defendant in jail over the weekend… despite a court order releasing him on Saturday. The Board of Supervisors, despite calling everyone to get Police Officer Defendant released over the weekend… have officially refused to take action against The Sheriff. County Attorney, who should know what kind of cases are going on in her jurisdiction, continues to call me asking me questions about cases that (not only should she know already but) I have no way of having answers to. Therefore, my professional world is… just about as sour and hollow as it can be. Add to that: I’ve been back on “Trying to Make Friends” websites and in-town attempts… the closest I’ve come yet is Ames, IA. A 110 mile drive. That’s how… devoid… the place is socially. That “here are some friends you can hang out with” results in a 110 mile drive. That places me 45 minutes away from Des Moines. Where almost all of my friends are right now anyway. So… yeah. This place is Career Death and Social Death.... so I should stop feeling bad about trying to escape.