'Nother Entry, Title Space Wasted in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

So… I wish I were back in bed. lol. Granted, the talk with wife last night was good… necessary even… and even if it doesn’t create a change or shift in our relationship it was still a talk that needed to happen. But between staying up so late and the alcohol… I truly wish I were still in bed right now.

And there’s every reason to believe I would still be in bed if my boss hadn’t called me. Cecilia is taking the day off; so when nobody answered the work phone Boss got scared. Especially since the Special Investigator was going to be at the office around 10. Welllllllll...................... it is now 1:30 and the Special Investigator hasn’t shown up. But I can’t do anything because I’m “waiting for” the individual. So I can’t go to the Courthouse, I can’t go to lunch, I can’t go back home… just sitting here… waiting. And of course the cynic in me thinks, “What do you want to bet that the Special Investigator said ‘next friday’ and Boss’ brain didn’t process that information properly.” So here I sit. Listening for any entrance into the office; disappointed every time when it isn’t the person I am allegedly waiting for. And as I wait, my mind travels.

It considers the bare minimum of what I want life to be like with the wife… I’ve written a fantasy about what I would hope for already but.... what is the bare minimum I would want? Taking the two of us out to Applebee’s or Cheddars or some chain restaurant passing itself off as “fine dinning”… going out to eat at a place like that maybe once a week; just going through the motions. Which shocks me back into the present and how even my bare minimum is out of reach here. Where growing up, and in college, and in law school… you couldn’t throw a rock without hitting a place like that.... now, here… the closest Olive Garden is 2 hours away; the closest Cheddars is 3 hours away; the closest Texas Roadhouse is 2 hours away; nearest Applebees is an hour away; nearest Outback Steakhouse is 2 hours away. Hell, even just the nearest Dunkin Donuts is an hour away. It is like… literally… the entire county has nothing. I’m not complaining or getting negative again but… the culture shock is still just… so overwhelming.

For 32 years, I was 5 minutes away from Museums, Restaurants, Businesses, Airports. My world was a “thriving, life affirming” location. And when I stop, even for a moment, around here… it is like I’m living in The Upside Down. This place is broke, dying, and empty. In order to take the school children to a museum for a field trip… the school here has to schedule a 4 hour round trip. That isn’t an exaggeration, either. My neighbor’s children were fundraising recently and when I asked what the money went to; they let me know about “out of classroom” things that were pretty standard. Meaning… in a school day, driving 4 hours to spend 4 hours (or less) in a museum of Science or Art or History. My heart breaks for those kids. No wonder people around here find no value in education beyond 9th grade. Hell, growing up where I did… I spent weeks of my life every year either in the Science Museum, or Art Museum, or History Museum, or the Drama Conservatory. And the kids have nothing like that here. It is miles and miles and miles of empty land… not even “farming land” as there are frequent land auctions going on selling between 100 up to 1600 acres of land.

Okay, now I can feel my mind going negative. Considering how terrible it is that I’m surrounded by poverty and lack of resources. I am willing to admit I grew up in a very blessed place… but even College and Law School… I’m getting a bit punchy being here. Thank God the Wife and I agreed that we need to get out of the county more often when/if we have time on the weekends.

And not surprisingly, the Golden Boy repeat Senator for the area ranked horribly when it came to poverty issues. They love him here, but “here” is impoverished and he goes out of his way to keep that up. In the “poverty grading system” he got an F. Seriously. He received a grade of F on “poverty concerns” but these people… destitute and dwindling… still keep voting him in. The county itself is the 8th smallest in the state but ranks 21 for # of people living in poverty. Meanwhile, a neighboring county is in the news today because figures high up in the local government just quit and disappeared.

At least the good news about that is it bumps our county out of the news for a while. See, our county was in the news because our Sheriff’s office is finally getting looked into for abuses… not the whole “Corruption run amok” shit because nobody cares about that. They were in the news for internal shit… like the Sheriff being offended that his deputies were counting the days until he quits; so he demoted three of them. But we’ll see how long we remain out of the local news since one of our officers slapped his girlfriend so hard it split her lip… that’s sure likely to make news.

I don’t know. I’m staying positive publicly, I’m trying to keep my chin up and push forward… but there really is just a giant tidal wave of a shitstorm here. I mean… when there are 11 Law Enforcement Officers for the entire county, 1 grocery store for the entire county… a population density of 12 people per square mile with a population “growth” of -2.1% per year… where the “median age” is 50… 97% white population… where 83% of the population were born in the County… the only thing this place excels at is being nothing.

Meanwhile, Wife just got back from a “Doctor’s Visit” to try to get her Rx updated. Her ADD Pills that she needs to function. But Wife figured that if she was required to see a Psychiatrist to authorize her ADD pills, maybe she could talk about other psychiatric issues. She went to the Hospital (the only medical thing/place in the County) and sat in a room… talking to a TV. Literally, the “mental health” that “comes to the county” once or twice a month… is a Skype with a psychiatrist who is 2 hours away! So… that person can’t even write a ‘script without needing to mail it! And forget about getting a therapist for Wife or I about depression or anxiety or anything! Wife is pissed… as she should be… that this County’s medical and mental health is so broken. Especially considering that they are only willing to give her pills one month at a time. Not like… a few months, like one would expect… not like 6 months, which is what we got in Omaha. One month at a time. Seriously… this place is HORSESHIT! And… really bad for both Wife and I. With no access to mental health, shit access to physical health, nothing in the county at all, an impoverished and dying place… this is just insane. I am really starting to consider that quitting here, moving to a functioning place and desperately trying to figure out how to afford life would be the wiser option. But of course… I could never see myself doing that. Walking away from a paying gig… when there is no alternative paying gig.... just cannot see me doing that. Though… it still feels like that may be the better option.

BTW… the time is now 3:30 p.m. and I’m still waiting for the special investigator to show up! Which sucks because I’m feeling ill.