Another day. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so my co-worker text me yesterday saying that the cats are still in his house and there’s some random chick feeding them. She said we needed to find a place for them so I called my landlord and I’m able to take them because there’s no deposit! I let her know and I had to go sign on off the paperwork this morning. She hasn’t responded to my text yet but I know she probably will. I work later so if anything, I’ll talk to her about it when I get there. I’m doing laundry now and took out the trash this morning.

I’ve thought a lot about the situation with my niece and the old roommate. I can’t change either situation but I can damn sure change my attitude towards it. Because every relationship in my life turns to shit, I have realized that I am better off by myself, not worrying about everyone else and just living for myself. I’ve spent a good chunk of my life being depressed over shit I couldn’t change, the past, and other people’s actions and I just can’t do it anymore.

I hung out with my Dad for his birthday on Monday. I only spent about $50 but it does piss me off because he doesn’t do anything for my birthday. I did it because my Mom is still out of town and I didn’t want him to just hang out with my little brother all day. I just still feel like I do way more for people than they do for me but now, I have backed off.

I’ve spent a lot of time realizing that I suck at setting boundaries with people and letting them walk all over me isn’t going to keep them around, unless they want more. Just like with my brother. I was just so sick of feeling like the more I did for his kid, the more he wanted. I couldn’t handle feeling like it was just owed and expected.

It’s just so crazy how much I’ve helped other people who have done nothing for me and not only that, but want me to keep helping them?!?! The old roommate was asking me to not only put him back on my car insurance, but to help pay his fines?! Um, absolutely fucking not!!! When I got in trouble 10 years ago, I had to pay my fines by myself and I had $1,200 worth! I know that he still blames me for what happened but again, it was his fault because he decided that he wasn’t going to pay bills anymore and didn’t understand that I wasn’t going to allow him to stay!

For him to ask me to put him back on my car insurance really made me angry because I don’t have any help paying bills and if he didn’t pay his part of it, then my bill would be $250 a month. I love how he always talked about ‘adulting’ but wants everyone else to be responsible for his expenses?!?! He left here 2 months ago and lives rent free where he stays now but still thinks I should be helping him out?!

I feel that if you want to ‘adult’ than you need to ‘adult’ all the way. Don’t ask anyone for help and take care of everything on your own like I’ve done all these years. I just think that after letting this person live off me and walk all over me for almost 6 months was plenty. I have no intent whatsoever to help him anymore. I told him I would if he brought back my stuff but yet, I still don’t hear from him and if he can’t make the effort to bring my shit back, then that says plenty about him.

All I know is this world is fucked. I’m just so sick of things being fucked up but I refuse to allow anyone else to live off me or use me.

I’m going to talk to a lady at my bank tomorrow about buying a house. I don’t plan to buy one unless I’m 1250% sure I can afford it on my own. I originally was going to talk to the old roommate about maybe moving in but he’s burned me before and I’m sure he would do it again. I would have way more bills and expenses so there’s no way I would allow him to move in and the next thing would be he decides that he’s not going to pay bills and then I’m even more fucked because I would have a mortgage and what not. No thanks.

Anyways, I’m really fucking tired and annoyed that I got up early to go do the paperwork to get the cats and now she’s not answering me. All I know is I’m going to make sure this is exactly what his family wants because once I take them, I will not be giving them back. It’s enough that they kept me from the funeral so if I give these cats a home then they will belong to me. I’m going to make sure they are up to date on their shots and all that too.

I’m hoping my night at work will go fast because I am already thinking about bedtime. I’m on 6 days this week and I’m only on day 3. If I don’t get the cats then I’m probably going to adopt one. I’ve text her again but she hasn’t answered so we’ll see I guess.

Anyways, time to relax for a few minutes before I have to leave.