ZzZ in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

As expected, another entry.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP! Please? I just want to go back to sleep.
Who knows if I’ll be able to sell that pitch. Because today, I am absolutely making that pitch. After I copy several hundred pages for opposing counsel and mail them.

GAH. Muh. Zuh. Chah.
Personality Quiz: Most defining characteristics: You are sensitive, melancholic and a perfectionist.
You are a very emotional, caring and dedicated person. You believe that there is a bigger picture in life, one that we can’t really see, but we can feel.
You are very compassionate, strong minded, and devoted to your beliefs.
Although you tend to get melancholic, your ability to empathize for others is a true gift and you possess a sort of kindness that is rare.
Art by Shintaro Ohata 「メランコリック」/ ”Melancholic”, 2007, acrylic on canvas

Of course, I took that quiz again an hour later and it said something MUCH different.
Most defining characteristics: You are lively, outgoing and emotionally open. You are a leader! As you probably already know, you are a born leader! You are a very charismatic, passionate, mature and calculated person. You are always there when people need you, you always know the right thing to say, and you are always able to help. You have a great career, amazing family and lifelong friends, but you are no stranger to hard times as well. You’ve had more than enough struggles through life, and although it seemed very daunting at the time, your good spirit and amazing set of skills has always helped you to overcoming them.
All of that, of course, explaining how I can be both introverted and extroverted at the same time.
Source Contained In Picture

Mrurgh. Right now I just feel… trapped. A bit imprisoned. Stuck in a room without windows, without social interaction. Waiting for Police Officers to see fit to respond to my requests. Sounds like a version of prison to me. That’s why, no matter what… I need to get out of here during the lunch hour. Yeah, yeah. I’ve put in 4 hours of work today mostly sending requests to officers for their reports so that (likely over the weekend) I can file indictments… but
From “Peanuts” by Charles M. Schulz

I do my work to the best of my ability. I try to exceed my own training and limitations; and I (for the most part) fulfill the obligations I am aware of to properly represent the State in Criminal, Mental Health, and Juvenile matters. Which, in this area, means I have (hypothetical example) 60 hours a week to accomplish things. I typically receive about 30 to 40 hours worth of work. Of that, I have the resources and ability to do about 10 to 20 hours of that work. Most of that work has no set deadlines, due dates, or any importance. And that is what I do with my day. Every day. I’ve said it before, I’m certain I’ll say it again… but my predecessor was known for (1) not coming to the office; (2) if he did come to the office, he was on Facebook; (3) accepting any/every plea deal a defense lawyer would give him; (4) laziness. Here’s the thing… he knew what he was doing… so he didn’t have to “fill” his time looking stuff up the way I do. Something I mention largely because… if he was an absentee lawyer because he didn’t need to look things up (and because he didn’t care about the job)… then look at me. I’m here every day. I’m putting in between 40 and 45 hours a week on average. And even though, due to my inexperience, it would make more sense for me to simply accept any deal a defense attorney throws at me… I don’t. Because I care about doing my job to the best of my ability. Yes, I have Facebook and Prosebox and BBC News and Cracked open throughout the day. But simply as to sheer numbers it makes sense… if I’m here at least 42 hours a week with, at most, 25 hours of work to do… almost half of my time can/will be spent on other things.

I suppose the good news is that my frustration with all of it has at least waned. I’m less “bottle of frustration” and more “tired and over it.” At least for the moment, since none of the potential bad can really fall back on me in a catastrophic way… I’m less… angry/frustrated about my limitations… and more.... tired and depressed about the whole mess. But this once again absolutely and firmly solidifies a series of facts that I have been learning here.
(1) There are people in this world who would love a town of 1500 people. I am not one of them.
(2) There are people in this world who would love the idea of a county of 5000. I am not one of them.
(3) There are people in this world who would love that there are no real “nearby” conveniences and that life here is very much as it has been for the last several decades. I am not one of them.
(4) There are people in this world that would love to do a job where they were not expected to do much. I am not one of them.
(5) There are people in this world that would love a relaxed atmosphere at work. I don’t know if I am one of them or not. Relaxed is a vaguer term and while 60 hours a week with 120 hours of work to do also doesn’t sound ideal… I can certainly say its opposite is not very appealing.

Now… some Randomness



Or news report, sometimes!
This embarrasses me more than it should.

And as I’ve been thinking about jobs, my nerd love, my lack of nerd outlets, and jobs again.... here’s a great article from Cracked interviewing people who make up languages for a living. Well, “living.”

(Transition)
Those who should be in power, rarely ever are. Because those who should be in power, know enough not to subject themselves to the horrors wrought by the monsters that have been corrupting our institutions of power. In many ways, it feels like Money can be the same thing. That those who have it, spend it in abundance and waste. While those that don’t have it, desperately make do with what they have. Obviously, I have long wanted to be one of the former… though, these days I find myself completely surrounded by the latter. I mention it as I was reading this article about celebrity houses. I have spent much of my life imagining what my dream house would be… it has rarely changed in all this time. I would love to even create a fraction of it… but it, like so many others, seems to be a dream worth letting die. The reality of the now and the reality of the situation we are facing… our future personally, our future professionally, or future as a country and world.... clearly, I am not a man with joyful hopes for the future.

I just remembered something that should go up higher in this little thing but… spitfire thought, I suppose. Our nearest neighbor to the left… a county with quadruple the population of our little county… has 5 assistant county attorneys who each get an assistant/secretary and two collection specialists. And only do half-days on Fridays. More help, less work. Must be nice to have resources!

Me and my damned work ethic. Wanted to leave early. Honestly think (in some ways) I could be more productive from home (at least when it comes to writing my reports). But nope. Still sitting at my desk. All day. Working working. With, actually, fuck all to show for it.

Despite my desire to be better about it… I certainly find myself wishing for The Phone Wave Real Name TBD right about now.

D’ya know what the worst thing is? Obviously, after bad days I try to figure a way out. But after a day like this? An absolute nothing day? Slowly… slowly… the thoughts of getting out form. But it isn’t “Get out now!”… it is insidious, disastrous. It is the sneaking, painful, gut punch thought of “You’ll never get out. You don’t even know how.”