OD entry 6/29/12 in Open diary entries

I honestly don’t think I wrote this. I had to have copied it out of a book. I don’t think I’m that good of a writer

With each sunrise and sunset change is inevitable.. Things change it’s just how life is.. Sometimes for the better and within that change things can seem like its not for the better but in the long run. After all is Said and done change is just that change and we come out new. We see things with different eyes if we don’t resist the change and just let go and accept what is and learn from the things that we had no power to control the change.
People are always hard to deal with cause we can not make them think or act the way we would or the way we would want them to that would work beat for us..
I am in the midst of this change now.. For over a year now things, the universe has been pushing me in a new direction.
For the most part I am spiritually inclined enough to not resist this change but at the same time I have been fighting like a motherfucker to keep my head above water.. And just when it seems as though I have reached still waters in this fast moving river, once again the waters turn rough .. Sigh
Just the basic things I am fighting for a home, a job food for my family.. I fight on for them .. If it wasn’t for them I would have surely given in by now and let myself drown ..
It’s scary here alone without a partner to hold my hand a guide me to be there for me on the cold nights to have my back, to hold me to comfort me.. It’s been hard.
There was a girl who I was hoping would be the one that I would ultimately end up in her loving warm arms but that seems to have changed as well and though its hanged its not a bad change .. She seems to have found someone.. For this my heart and spirit are warmed cause she is so damned beautiful she deserves this happiness and my wishes for her are for her to let herself fall into these warm arm of love.. She needs this!
Yes she is that lovely !
I am happy for her but at the same time I am saddened for myself and for what I have seemed to have lost .. Once again I am alone ..
I look at my life and know that where I am is only temporary and that in a few months I will be in a new environment and there will be a new peace..
I can’t help but think.. If I only weren’t alone then things wouldn’t be so hard
If I only had someone by my side to help me when the waters become course
If I only had a hand to hold
Someone to hold me
But it is what it is
I am alone and scared
Shaking here alone in the corner
Screaming inside for the demons to go away
For my safety
For my sanity
Please god hear my prayers
Send her to me..
For I need her now.
Amen!

No worries my dear.. I understand (( I go through the same thing working third)) I just wanted to tell you how Special You are and how important you ARE to so many and I know this without Knowing You or intimate details of your life because of WHO you ARE to me… a stranger a girl that lives in your home state but you know nothing about me and nothing about the intimate moments of my life yet you stand by me ..stand strong as my friend as my family (( within my heart)) YOUR Imperative to ME to my life…I wanted to offer you the validation of the significance to whom you represent to me.. you see Diane I am a lost soul on so many levels and I see you as an Angel that God has sent into my life to hold my hand along the way.. i can’t say it exactly but i just wanted to share with you HOW you have changed my life and how much it matters to me that you are in it… How YOU effected me without even really knowing me. I wanted to share my heart with you and give you the Biggest Warmest Strongest Hug To You SOUL that I could YOU MATTER and My Life would NOT be what it is TODAY if I had NoT have met you!! I AM BLESSED and GOD Knows this as he has brought youi to ME!!! xoxoxo I am here Always and Boundlessly