Oh, decisions..decisions. in Ramblings of a stranger..

One of these days I’ll be someone who can say I make the right ones.. That day is not today, however.

The baby’s father and I aren’t on very good terms. I’m hardly halfway through, and he now has a new girl.. They’re already in love.

Which is fine. I’ve said before I never saw us together.. But she’s now decided to make her status known by speaking to me through fb messages.. Even tried sending me a friend request. Um no. Why? I don’t talk to him. In the past month or two, I’ve talked to him twice. To tell him she’s a girl and to tell him the name I picked out. That’s it!

I have done the no no and wrote some vaguebook statuses about him. He decided to write me today disputing the deadbeat comments. Told me all I have to do is ask for help. Again..um no. You have a daughter, you know what this requires. The fuck I gotta tell you to help for? Shouldn’t you just do that?

Told him if he wants to help, do so. If he wants to be in her life, then be there. Don’t expect me to ask you though. Puh-freaking- lease. Told him he should be at the hospital, but she need not to come with. Told him that I’d appreciate if she stop contacting me, we have no reason to talk. Told him to be respectful while I’m carrying his child. Do whatever you please, but leave me out of it. He really didn’t write back.

Ugh. Why, Sarah? I am now celibate. I’ve been so anti relationship since separation with husband two years ago. I didn’t want anything serious or exclusive.. My dumb ads should have avoided getting knocked up. I don’t want to regret her.. But can I regret everything else?

New rule! ( and yes it should have always been but heyy) I will not sleep with a man I’m not in a bonified relationship with. I will seek only what I truly deserve and not what I’ve reduced myself to. I will stop making my children pay for my problems....

Ahhh.

Ugh