LTNW v1 I1: Not Feeling It in Everything Else

A new series Long Time No Write (LTNW)

I am not sure if I just haven’t felt like writing or if when I go to do it, I just get over it and delete it. I do that A LOT it seems. In any event, I am here and this is where things stand.

WORK
Probably 85% of what is going on in life right now. Could be another reason why I have not been writing. I am slammed! I just can’t seem to get one thing done in order to clear it off my list and move on to another project. The problem with trying to figure out what has been going on for three years and trying to fix it. Only when you think you are getting ahead, something from “right now” that is still old needs to be figured out. Currently I am going through 90+day outstanding balances and trying to figure out what is collectible or should be and what needs to be written off and then I have to try to present that to our CEO along with fixes to the system. It is not easy because I am trying to compile the information, check other sources to see if the services were billed and if so if they were paid but never recorded then…but I can’t get some of the old bills from the state database. Realistically I think anything that is over 365 days needs to be adjusted off because nobody is going to pay for services 1+ years ago that they were not held accountable for. Some services need to be written off because they were never performed (the charge was entered, but the client didn’t attend the course) others have to be adjusted off because the director set a precedent that needs to be CHANGED asap! I am also trying to evaluate a software upgrade and figuring out how I can justify the additional expense when at the same time suggesting writing off a huge chunk of money after we already had a HUGE loss this past fiscal year. So yeah, my job is stressing me out. And I haven’t even mentioned that I want to change the duties and introduce new procedures for how things are handled at the program site. In addition, I took on a huge reconciliation project that would go super fast if I could just take one day to dedicate to getting it done or at least partly done. I am thinking about scrapping my plans for tomorrow and just focusing on that since our DVTB looks like sixteen geese shit all over it after seven apes vomited on it after eating at Golden Corral.

PERSONAL
I take work home sometimes. Mostly just shit I can organize or sort because I can’t find the time at work to get it done and not getting paid to do it and having it done is preferable to not getting it done. I decided to do a big design reformat and ever since my time has been consumed by design when it used to just be a few hours two or three times a week. I have failed in my August challenge and refuse to admit it officially (apparently this does not count as official). I have found that I don’t just have duplicates of files, but I have at least quintuplets of files and sorting through some 15+ years of documents really makes me nauseous and that is why I have this problem. I just tuck them away in a folder titled Pre20XX and stick it on the external. Or even better I put folders on different USBs and so when I think I am done with one little “category” or document type, I find the same fucking shit on another drive or in another folder. I try to go through ten files per day to make some headway (ten minimum) but at this rate Armageddon will come 27 years and 8 months before I will actually finish. Of course I could just delete everything but then…

I swear my brother-in-law took and sent enough pictures of my oldest nephew to outlast his great-great-great grandchildren. All from the ages of 2 to 4. The only pictures we get now of the boys are random iPhone photos or school pictures.

If I were to make a list of all the things I want to get done…I would need a straight jacket and a very softly padded room. I know this because I have made such a list and six years later nothing has been fully accomplished. I think I am done making long term lists. I am just going to make achievable weekly lists. In another six years it will be achievable daily lists because I will not be able to complete the weekly lists and they will just stack up and I will feel like a total failure.

And that is my fifteen minutes away from actual work to try and make myself feel less stressed. It didn’t work, but I can at least cross off “prosebox entry” on the never-ending list.