i don't like being careful but um. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

yeah so. well i’m tired. no um. So since she didn’t tell me she was going to look in my pockets. well now. I’m keeping more of my personal stuff at my mom’s. cause it’s like ‘you didn’t tell me you were going to look at some of my personal stuff so...... [ok so i had empty gum wrappers in 1 of my coats] you don’t get to see some of it’. The less I have the less she sees. which is.a weird way to deal w/ this and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. but ok. For the first time [i think] since I moved in last Sept. I didn’t want to come back to my house.bc of that. bc now i keep more of my stuff at my mom’s so i can be even more private.
yeah i remember well i don’t maybe it was.it’s been at least a couple yrs. now. But one day Stephanie & I went through my suitcases. She found condoms, shooters, lighters. I’ve written about this. but i’m not glad she found that stuff no.i regreat that actually. cause I’m such a private person and I’m too afraid to say no. also i wasn’t even that comfortable w/ her. i’m not that comfortable w/ most people so. And that’s what this reminds me of. not that gum wrappers are that personal a thing but that’s not the point. The point is. well great now i feel exposed and i don’t like that.
I’m not upset she found them. [i mean i don’t like she found them but i’m not like upset about it]. no I’m upset.by the trust thing and the privacy thing. I wouldn’t do something like that to her. which is why i wouldn’t have a job like hers.
I have um pierced earrings even though my ears aren’t pierced. well the part that goes in your ear is pointy and sharp. well today earlier I put them in my coat pockets. since as of yet she’s not allowed to search me physically. Stephanie was and I didn’t like that. and so i’m going to bring the earrings to my mom’s.and leave them there. cause see now cause of the thing on Mon. I’m paranoid if she finds the earrings she’ll keep them. i mean in a box for me. and convincing me otherwise won’t work so. and it makes my world smaller and I’m less.myself. If the thing on Mon. hadn’t happened. then I wouldn’t be this anxious.
See this is how I communicate.by not.talking about things. if something’s changed or left then that means something’s bothering me. or someone did something i don’t like. which i think she gets.
right so today during room checks she told me next time she’d check under my bed. right and where was that warning last wk.?..........it’s not gonna change what happened. too little too late. again it never should’ve happened to begin w/. i realise that my expectations are set high. and that i keep going on about this never really getting anywhere. yeah and today during bag checks i was standing right by her watching her. [i mean and i do have a right to do that]. so that’s changed.