and the thing was. i never gave her permission. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

i never gave her permission to look in the inside pocket just the outside 2. which she should’ve listened to [no of course not cause people don’t but i’m stupid enough to think they do. yes and that’s the problem w/ hope]. but she didn’t and that’s..............that’s not ok w/ me it hasn’t been since I was raped. even my psych. waited to tell......someone about something we’d talked about which I’ve now forgotten. But my point being she respects me a lot more than the lady does.as does evan. like I’d never start going through the lady’s [or anyone else’s] purse w/o first notifying them. cause what’s in there isn’t my business. [ok so the lady does go through my purse but way back when i moved in we talked about this. and that’s the difference. if we talk about it prior then it’s kindof ok w/ me. but if we don’t then um no].
um so on Sat. my sister well she gave me her phone to put in my purse as she doesn’t carry purses. and it buzzed a few times the phone but I never looked to see who it was. unless the person oks it I won’t do that. I’ll let them know the phone buzzed but that’s it. i don’t want anyone looking at my phone so.
And just like. a couple months ago at the meeting I brought up the idea of leaving the room during bag checks. and the lady’s like ‘well it’s up to you if you want to trust me or not w/ that’. and i did...........untill now. and i think she gets that cause well she’s not stupid. so now I’ll probably stay in the room duringthat which.well that isn’t it bc.........I was in the room. so that’s not the issue. which is what i started w/. The issue is I never gave her permission. and I thought untill i did she’d never do that. I didn’t think we even had to establish parameters! no but apparently we do. of course knowing me that won’t happen. no what will happen is like.when i’m w/ valerie and we go to the store I won’t get anything to take back to my house. if I don’t have it she won’t look through it. but even when i had stuff..........she never like opened the plastic bags the groceries and my camera and stuff are in.untill now.
if she wanted to know what was in there then she should’ve asked and I would’ve told her. ‘oh i have lemonade, lotion, stuff from my purse.........’ that kindof thing. instead of her just like.taking over like that no. I think she has a right to check my bags but I don’t think she has a right do it w/o telling me prior. no.
and even if I did talk about w/ like susie or whoever. it won’t change what happened so there’s not really any point. She [the lady i mean] violated my trust and my privacy which well the trust she shouldn’t’ve violated and the privacy again.shouldn’t have done w/o telling me prior. and of course me not getting anything to take w/ me while at the store w/ valerie is a change but I’m not going to be stupid enough to have this happen again. oh but i was...........for such an intelligent person i sure am stupid sometimes. [wow that was um honest]. so it’s my fault really.for getting too comfortable. and that’s the problem. well ok that’s the other problem. is I get trapped into getting too comfortable. and then right when I am this stuff happens. but i don’t like being onmy gaurd.............well damned either way really. but this whole thing shouldn’t have happened to begin w/ w/ her........not........telling me.............prior to........yeah.
Yeah when she found the scissors she’s like ‘did you know these were in there?’ and i’m ‘yeah i forgot about them’. no no i didn’t. I just figure maybe it’ll be like ‘oh well it’s fine she forgot and people will go easy on me’. I knew damn well they were in there and I wasn’t supposed to have them. but I also didn’t pay attention to the fact that she might check my coat pockets cause and again.she never had before. And that’s the diff. between that and room checks. is [well other than lately] we do room checks every wk. so it happens regularly enough that I know she might check like the suitcase that’s not in the closet or the box at the end of my bed. And then you know I can move things around and prepare stuff. actually w/i the last few months [while i’m being honest about stuff and going on about this] I took 2 pins I had at my house and took them to my mom’s. more bc.......they’re personal to me and w/ really personal stuff like my crystals, those pins, the shirt evan gave me [i love that shirt. yeah i told him i liked it and he’s like ya want it? here. just, that easy and simple. this was like 3 yrs. ago btw] i um. I don’t want anyone but me touching those things. not cause they’re fragile but cause it’s the same idea. i’m careful w/ my things just not always w/ people.
so um yeah. just thoughts. on.that.