alrite well that's fine. scissors. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

ok so. I cut for 10 yrs. and haven’t in a little over 3. [actually w/ it being now aug. holy crap wow it’s been 3 yrs. and 4 months. cause 3 yrs. ago this May I stopped. at some point during the month. so wow it’s been almost 3.5 yrs. in uh. Oct. it’ll be. i think about time timelines a lot. uh anyway].
ok so we were doing bag checks like a little over an hr. ago currently 8:40 p.m. atm. and that’s ok. but I didn’t know that she was going to look in my pockets of my coats. that were in my grocery bags. [well i have to put the coats somewhere i’m certainly not going to wear them when it’s 90 out]. cause she’d never done that before. and i had the scissors in there. And she asked if she could look in the pockets and I told her ‘just these ones’ meaning the outside pockets of one of the green coats. and she looks in the inside one where the scissors were. that’s fine don’t listen to me. yeah no not like i’d need that after being raped no of course not. ok that’s fine don’t warn me before that happens. [i already know why she didn’t listen to me so]. but see that’s why she didn’t. so i wouldn’tknow. yes and this is what causes problems.
i’ll just get more scissors. only.........i won’t leave them in the pockets. do you know how hard it is to open things w/o scissors. omygod it’s a damn inconvenience. and i mean it’s not like i brought back needles, heroin, sewing or otherwise. [no cause i’m not going to be stupid enough to do that. also i don’t shoot up and never have]. yes and this. is why when i get shooters i take them to my mom’s. Most of them are in dresser drawers. The lady probably knows I drink in her house but other than the receipts she doesn’t have any proof. yes and that’s one reason I get shooters. also she doesn’t think I’m an alcoholic [well i mean I haven’t drank heavily in like.........uh fukin 2.5 yrs but i still consider myself one. i don’t drink money er i mean heavily wow. i don’t drink heavily cause A money and B i’m a really private person. but i sure could use one right now. a drink that is omfg]. um..........so even though she doesn’t agree w/ it she hasn’t said anything about it in awhile.
so I don’t like that she found the scissors. and she has scissors but I don’t want to ask to use scissors every time I need them. not, for cutting. but for like cutting open boxes..........wrappers, of things. like the boxes of rice I buy. and so I don’t ask to use scissors every time I need them. i’m not 2. it’s kindof like when you go to an eatery to ask to use the restroom and they want you to buy something. or even if you know where it is they still want you to ask. like this isn’t 3rd grade I don’t think I need a ‘hall pass’ as it were. and the uh staff at eateries want people to ask so they can like..........well it has something to do w/ druggies and don’t tell me. please]. yeah well people are going to do what they’re going to do anyway. one person says no someone else will say yes. i have. a homeless person asks me for money i’ll give them like a quarter. a lot of people won’t and i get why. but anyways more on that later. That’s one thing I like about grocery stores is they never say anything. also i don’t like interacting w/ people. no it’s ok we don’t need to talk. people tell me not to do something and i’ll want to do it even more. like I do this when i’m trying to sleep. but if they ok it then I won’t want to do it as much.
so. Then she asked if I’d been cutting my hair in the back and I said no even though i had. a i’m really sens. about my hair and 2 I didn’t want to continue the discussion. i think she might bring this up at some point. of course if I told her/others I was really sens. about my hair they’d quit bringing it up but then I’d be bringing up the thing i.never want brought up. also that’s a change and in that regard i don’t do change. even when I hadn’t cut my hair I was really sens. about it. i think maybe everyone has something they’re sens. about.
so after that I went up to my room. as i do. but I’m not in a good place [which well i wasn’t before that happened but well.this doesn’t help]. when something like this happens I usually leave or I get quiet. it’s really hard for people to pick their battles but i think i’m pretty good at it. I’ll blog about it which in a way.well i feel like that’s better than um like not, picking my battles. it’s really hard always being nice and i don’t always like it. sometimes [wow this is turning into a long entry] I honestly want to be the bitch. which i’m not to most people. i want to tell someone to ef off or screw you or get into an argument w/ them. yeah people that don’t know me that well think i’m so nice.no they just don’t know me that well and they’re lucky they don’t. i have um anger issues. it’s embarassing to admit and i’m not um i’m not like. proud of that. and in some way i ‘shouldn’t’ be embarassed to admit it since a lot of people have.those. and by ‘those’ i mean anger issues. but you know just how i am about that. actually i’ve done that. yeah my last night at stephanie’s i told her screw you. and i don’t even feel bad about it honestly. i’m actually relieved i said it. Things hadn’t been going well for awhile and i’d had enough. and that’s what got me well as I put it ‘kicked out’. and then she threatened me. and.........well anyway. Things are better here but wherever people go they’ll have problems there’ll be.problems. every few months something comes up but it’s not like at stephanie’s where it was daily. and when things do come up we talk about it. when........when I’m in an ok place to which isn’t now at 9:10 p.m. and i think she gets that. she’s probably had those moments herself we all have i think. they say you can catch more flies w/ honey than vinegar well maybe i’m done catching flies. and no i’m not being literal.
it’s sometimes hard to believe it’s been almost a yr. since i left stephanie’s..........

so yeah.