Change of heart in Journal

I’m having a really hard time with this..
Recently, after spending my WHOLE life with the absolute CONVICTION that I did not want kids, I have been re-thinking that conviction.
Hey, everyone gets old, right? Live and learn. It’s a scary feeling, but also exciting. Except..
Except that my other half has also had the lifelong conviction that he does not want kids. It’s one of the main reasons we are so understanding of each other, our goals, future, wants/needs, etc. I brought up my new feelings to him once and he laughed. Like, really hard. :(
My emotions are being thrown around in hormonal turmoil, and he’s laughing. Yeah I know guys don’t really get the emotional hormonal stuff, I get it. But it still hurts my feelings.
Honestly the real-world proposition of actually having a child scares the shit out of me. But no matter how much I think about it I can’t get rid of the feeling. And I really do not think that the world needs more people. Really. 7 Billion is enough.
I look at the future and it just seems so stark and lonely and sad.