Mon mOn moN mOn Mon moOn moN mOn in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

Boy howdy! I expected my body would be sore and decidedly unpleasant today. After all, this weekend involved a considerable amount of walking, bookended by a considerable amount of time sitting, driving in the car. So my body’s present state of OW and SLEEPY are certainly not surprising!

I do have one of my favorite songs stuck in my head, though.

As soon as I sit down at my desk; the inner struggle begins. The Honor Voice telling me to buckle down, get a number of things done, and be proud of what I’ve accomplished. The Other Voice telling me that there is no reason to get any of it done; there are no pressing deadlines, no expectation of quality, no external desire to see a job well done. So… that is what it is.

Interesting, potential issue of Justice for the morning (arrived within the first 30 minutes of the day). Imagine, if you will, sitting at home on the weekend. You start drinking as it is after 9 pm and you have no plans to leave the house. When suddenly, you receive a phone call. Your spouse has had a bad car accident and has been taken to the hospital. Now, there are no buses or taxis that can take you to the hospital and you are worried about your loved one. You jump into your car and race to the hospital to check on your wife. When you arrive, a police officer greets you and states that you smell like you’ve been drinking. They’ll take you to see your spouse, but would like to perform a PBT first. You provide the PBT and it says you are twice the legal limit to drive. You are then arrested and taken to jail (instead of being allowed to see your spouse) on charges of Operating While Intoxicated.
That happened here over the weekend. And as soon as I read that statement of facts… I’m already attempting to concoct a suitable plea deal. Because… even though what happened IS illegal and IS dangerous… it is also VERY understandable.

Of the 3 women that aren’t Cecilia that work in this office… the Veterans Affairs lady has been… fairly good… about trying to keep me from feeling too isolated. Something I appreciate in many respects. But of course, she is a good example of some things around here. For instance, when discussing the weekend, she wanted to know if I go back to Omaha every month because we’re trying to close on a house. And I said no, I have a monthly gaming group. She wanted to know what game… I informed her Pathfinder and said it is like Dungeons and Dragons. She’d never heard of Dungeons and Dragons and had no idea what kind of game it was. And I realized it is a very hard concept to explain to people who have no passing familiarity with the type of game. No, it isn’t a video game. No it isn’t a board game, I mean not really. But… of course… I knew this place was like this. It is simply more encouragement that I need to find a place with more people, more life, and more nerds like me :)

Random Bit:
I need to find some way of tripling my water intake. I’ve never been amazing at getting enough water; but I’ve been doing better of late. I usually have at least 32 oz (granted, I need to have twice that… but as I said… I’m getting better. However, I sweat profusely (even when I’m in shape, it is why my family swims competitively… because of the sweating) and when you add in the heat around here lately… yeah. I’m constantly dry mouthed. Unpleasant. That being said, for some reason, it is still difficult pushing fluids. No idea why.

Now… because I’m not a shit… I did want to put in some work today. So, I gathered a pile of files that were left over from my predecessor and tried to figure them out. As I may have mentioned before, I hate this type of learning. I suspect it may stem from some unconscious hatred of failing; but I sincerely believe there’s more to it than that. I think it goes to the semi-joke I make. “I’m an excellent soldier. I mean, I’m not physically able to be in the military and I’d likely fail the psych portion. But I take orders well and adjust quickly.” Really, it all stems from my years in acting. I’ll read the line a certain way using certain blocking. The director doesn’t like it, and says “It comes across as to aggressive. The line should be more questioning.” BOOM. Make the adjustment, change the performance immediately. THAT I’m good with. You give me a direction, I’m on top of it.

Aaaaand, mid afternoon… the song currently stuck in my head.....

And… as my mind wanders into the late afternoon… a thought forms. Granted, there is a general malaise with many 30 somethings right now. I won’t go so far as to say it defines that generation (because that would be a foolish thing to suggest); but many of my friends around the nation that are between the ages of 28 and 38 find themselves feeling… stuck… feeling unmotivated. There are, of course, a number of reasons why this might be. I’ve discussed some and multiple news outlets suggest why this might be. But something that occurred to me today. There is a national crisis when it comes to PTO. That has been rising for at least 2 decades. Less American Employees take their full allotted vacation than ever… and that’s the workers that even GET IT in the first place. So… we’re not relaxing, we’re not disconnecting from work, and there are still many of us out there trying to get work and/or get employed at something more suitable than Fry Cook. So what if some of this comes from unmet expectations and needs developed over time? I don’t mean the obvious… a whole generation believing the lie that College Guarantees a Good Job & High Pay. I mean, a lot of us fell into that trap but that isn’t what I’m talking about. I mean… the way things used to be was Job around 20, 25. Work hard and diligently for five to ten years; then (as you got a family), you’d take vacations and holidays and spend time with your loved ones. Well… that isn’t what we’re experiencing. Compared to that model.... your 25-35 year olds aren’t getting Holidays off, aren’t getting jobs that allow them to take vacation time, aren’t really being allowed to take the vacation time they do get… so what if that’s part of it? What if the expectation to have a minimum of 18 years of schooling, rolled into the struggle to find work, enhanced by the minimal benefits and pto… what if that plays a part into the big picture as well?

Speaking of Malaise… I’m an idiot. Did not grab breakfast this morning; worked through lunch. Now I’m tired, running down, and actually feeling hungry (which is rare). But Cecilia is gone Noon to End of Day; so there’s not a whole lot of options other than to sit here and feel that tiredness that is encouraged by hunger. Yes, I’m taking responsibility for this one. Because I’m the idiot that didn’t eat. And because, until the ............................. feeling passes there isn’t much to do but scan eyes over words; CRACKED

5 Advocate Groups Who Are Shockingly Angry For Dumb Reasons

In the above article, a comments forum about Bodybuilders losing their shit about a nerdy guy with hot girls, and the subsequent reactions.
I don’t know whether it is funny, sad, or complicated… but I understand all sides of this issue. I see the photos mentioned, and I too feel a slight pang of anger. Not because “How can he get those girls and I can’t?!” as the bodybuilders seem to be saying. My anger is focused more towards myself and (admittedly) the women around me when I grew up. The anger towards myself over knowing I was intellectually, physically, spiritually, and emotionally incapable of being that guy. And that isn’t on anyone but me, really. I lacked (and still lack) what it takes to confidently, decidedly go for what I want. And I was twenty times worse about that when I was a kid. I do admit to some anger at the woman around me, though, and I feel conflicted about that. Conflicted because (1) it does no good; and (2) I don’t know for sure what would have happened. The anger towards the females comes mostly out of seeing every “nice” or “nerdy” guy passed over for every “jock” or “wannabe convict.” But that is just the way High School is in a lot of places. As for college… I never even tried, really, so there’s no reason for anger. It’s just… I thought the whole thing interesting. Because.... yeah. I am very openly jealous and comfortable admitting that. lol.
Seriously wish the brunette would have been part of my life, lol.

5 Terribly Awkward Attempts To Appeal To Young People
I certainly think this article should have included the fucking ridiculous “nostalgic Pepsi ads but with emoji” bullcrap.

The 16 Most Awkward Pokemon Go Moments Possible

6 Celebrities Who Are Surprisingly Angry On Twitter

5 Problems Superheroes Would Have (Movies Don’t Address)

Why You’re Probably Touch Starved And Don’t Know It
Pretty bummed I can’t hear the podcast portion of this, as the title(s) alone certainly make me interested (and agreeing).

Well, I’ve gone and done it. I’ve written an aggravatingly, likely annoyingly long entry. I can’t help but think how different all of this would be in a place NOT trying to die. I’d be busier, but I’d also have people I could ask for guidance. So, I wouldn’t be in limbo with knowledge and I’d have active opportunities to learn and grow. As opposed to right now… where, yeah, I have 61 cases currently.... but as Juvenile Court is 1 day a month, Mental Health Court is 1 day a month, and District Court is 1 day a month… and that day can only hear ONE case… yeah. Ridiculous fucking county. 61 cases… many likely won’t be heard for several months… and even the ones that do, will either result in a dismissal, ineffective probation, or fines. Is it any wonder why I seem to have all sorts of time?

After work… I’m off to have a small bite of food, FINALLY start exercising with jogging, and then that’s my day.