I thought I saw you yesterday in A new beginnging.

I always find the most awkward ways to tell people about you. I laugh and smile so the can’t see the pain on my face. I laugh so they won’t think I am a minute away from falling apart. I have to do this. This is what you have to do.
I come home from nights like these- nights when I think back on the bricks that have built this wall up. I remember when I was younger and all I wanted to do was hate you.
I found the letter I wrote you after that time, you know what I mean. I let those words flow so freely- I felt so tough writing them to you- so brave. How cruel the world really is when you think about it; when not even a year later you would be gone.
I wonder what I would bargain. What I would offer. You could have 5 minutes with him for this much. When will you start speaking in my dreams? I have this fear of forgetting your voice. Why are you always silent?
I don’t really know what the point of this is. But I got home from dinner and all I wanted to do was talk to you.
That’s all.