introverts. solitude. my uncle. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

so as i’ve mentioned a few times by now i’m an introvert. ya know i’m ok not being around a lot of people all the time. like hey i’ll go to the bookstore or the park by myself.

well my parents are currently out of town overseas and so my uncle’s staying at their house. well to take care of stevie. So um last Thurs. I stayed there. My uncle’s a perfectly nice person he just has. a.......um a big presence [er although not physically]. he’s v. overwhelming. I have a hard enough time being around people who aren’t like that. I watched tv w/ him on thurs. and then after an hr. I went into my room and that was that at some point he went upstairs.

ya know I really like solitude. there are some people who don’t that much. stephanie was one of them. There were always people in the house and people coming over. there was my room the bathroom the other bedroom and then the living room/kitchen area. and then her room which was upstairs. like her room took up the entirety of the upstairs. oh and there was the basement so yeah not a whole lot of space. no wonder i liked going to the gas station it was my me time. like there were people there but i was alone in a sense. I keep to myself usually and stephanie.didn’t. and ya know i think that’s another reason it didn’t work. she was always right there. [well i mean she had to be for the other clients]. like physically right in the living room. that saying how can i miss you if you don’t go away? well i couldn’t. The best time I had there was when she was in vegas.bc she wasn’t there.

I’m not a v. neighborly person. when I was living in fl i didn’t know any of my neighbors. i mean i knew i had them but that was it. evidently one time when my dad was there he knocked on the neighbor’s door and asked for me. or which apt. i was in. [he’s pretty clueless so]. um yeah i don’t talk to people. The whole time I lived there I didn’t know my neighbors. when I first moved back to Denver I didn’t know them. and then I moved across the way and i knew diane. i’m not sure how much other involvement she had w/ the evan thing but I want to think she had more bc i don’t want to think things are that good and non chaotic. before her i had anya and she was cool. We met but she wasn’t that involved in my life. diane’s daughter was 9 and anya’s son was maybe 2 so that might be part of it. I want neighbors who keep to themselves and don’t get involved in my business. not that i’m moving anytime soon just something i was thinking about.

oh right. I’ve also been around people a lot more than usual lately. well for some of us we’re around people daily. but they’re not people we talk to or anything depending. like well my uncle’s been in town for maybe 2 wks. now. My aunt [my mom’s sister. the uncle i’m talking about is my dad’s brother. he lives in CA and teaches ecology apparently] left town on Tues. Usually it’s my parents and I when I visit them. And after 9 we have our zones my dad has his upstairs [there’s the bathroom at the top of the stairs then his room to the right of it across from that is my sister’s room. to the right is the upstairs living room and across from my sister’s room and to the left is the the place where the computer is. people can come up there if they want to]. um and my mom goes to her room which is her zone. she has an attached bathroom. [then there’s the other bathroom, across from that is what used to be my room then it was the guest room and now it’s the sewing room. by the other bathroom is the place under the stairs where the washing machine and dryer are and across from that is Mom’s office. then the entry way, living room, kitchen and my room]. So right after 9 the kitchen’s mine. so there’s ya know a lot of space. [the sewing room doesn’t have a bed in it and even if it did well my mom’s sensitive to noise so].
anyway.
So when my aunt was here she slept in my sister’s room and my uncle slept downstairs on the sofa. so more people than usual. my sister slept in her room at her place. and then we had events. About 2 wks. ago my parents, uncle & I all went out to lunch............and then the following wk. we [my aunt and my grandfather and the rest of us] went to my sister’s for the barbecue. and at the arts fest there were people. Although ya know that’s nice cause I don’t know them and I can wander around and I can look at the art and listen to the music and not talk to people. so I can be alone w/o actually like.literally being alone. and i like that. it’s just a lot the people and events and all that.
So um back to solitude. [this entry’s kindof everywhere i’m discovering]. ya know anthony hopkins the actor. great actor underrated i’m a fan. well on tv once he said he has an appreciated for solitude. yeah and i think i do too. at night well i love night. i have more me time as everyone’s in their rooms except me. i go downstairs get something to eat after awhile i go back upstairs and watch tv online. or do stuff.online. i’m more comfortable w/ myself at night and there are less people like.out in the rest of the house. yeah it’s nice.
i feel somewhat like.when there are events such as the ones i mentioned earlier i need longer to um idinno recover than when there aren’t. and the weird or interesting maybe thing is that even when there aren’t as of late i’m the one who does stuff every day whether i’m out or not. like sometimes.........i want to be spontaneous. like sometimes i want to do my laundry at 2 a.m. although the lady’s husband would wake up. either that or if he already was awake he’d be wondering why i’m doing my laundry at 2 a.m. i don’t always like having a schedule in that sense. and living w/ people is hard and one example of this is ‘ok so this person is going to do their laundry on Tues. which means’ i wouldn’t be able to do it Tues. whenever i wanted. for instance. and if i were to do it whenever i want/ed then that would cause problems for people. so now it’s 4 on sun. not whenever. that kindof thing. i’m not looking for advice [well i rarely am] on this or anything. just thoughts. er i mean my thoughts. on all this.