Thoughts and Weekends in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

This weekend has been… blah. My 5th Wedding Anniversary? Blah. No where to go; Wife was working anyway. Then 4th? Same story. No where to go, wife was working anyway.

So, I’ve decided. To really focus on the few primary goals I have. And keep those as the focus. I’m going to take my PROBLEMS and turn them into GOALS. Sure, I’ve done this before. And there is no reason to believe I’ll do better THIS time compared to EVERY OTHER time. But that is the nature of the beast. Drug and alcohol addicts tend to relapse several times before they are able to get clean. What I have to do is realize… if I stumble, pick myself up, and try again.

(1) Get the work done. Sure, I may not know how to do my job. But the things I do know how to do? There is no rational reason to save those as the last thing for the day. Get the work done.

(2) It ain’t College, son! Instead of waking up, hitting snooze, and repeating that process. Wake up! Shower! Cook an egg and get some OJ or something, then get your butt out the door. This simple process is something you mastered in High School and then unlearned in College. FIX IT!

(3) If the women don’t find you handsome, you aren’t working hard enough! So, I’m pretty sick of hating how I look. I’m even more sick of feeling like my wife hates how I look. Frankly, I’m depressed as hell over how my wife and I are sexually and romantically. Is it wrong to want to be seduced by my wife every now and then? Is it wrong to want her to genuinely care about my sexual satisfaction? Well… suck as it is… I have to do what I can. So… considerably less alcohol and soda. Considerably more water and exercise. I need to like how I look. AND if/when I get there… if Wife still doesn’t give two shits about my sexual satisfaction… well… maybe I’ll find someone who does care.

(4) Prioritize! Not just… what is important in life. Straight Up: YOU DON’T WORK WEEKENDS (typically). And while Wife would be upset about you leaving and seeing friends without her… if she is going to work every weekend… that’s just how it might have to be. Schedule time for your friends. You’ve been lucky that you have patient and understanding friends. Hell, that’s how you got here. The friends that lacked patience and understanding have all fallen away because you “haven’t had time” to focus on things that weren’t “find work, move, learn job.” FIX IT!

(5)
I honestly feel a daily genuine pain that I will never be able to go back in time and fix the several trillion mistakes I’ve made in my life. I can’t even correct any of those mistakes. So I must learn to live with them. I must learn to learn from them. As difficult as it will likely be… whenever I feel the near constant regret over almost every decision that has led me to this moment… I must shut out that thought, I must understand WHY I feel regret over it… and I must do what I can to never make that mistake again.