Turning the Boat Towards Home in Everyday Ramblings

It is full on early summer. The trees are still green but it will only be a few more weeks of dry heat before we see them start to fade a bit. The wild grass is already turning brown and the sweet peas that are everywhere here are beginning to get a little dusty.

There is a breeze and the temperature is about perfect, the days are still long. And mostly we have light. It is overcast in the mornings but the clouds blow out to the edges of the valley around midday.

We had our first big wildfire this week out towards the east end of the Columbia River Gorge.

The Gorge is where Most Honorable and me are going hiking this next Thursday. We didn’t do our annual hike last year so this will be sweet.

My current Weight Watchers leader is wonderful. I have been frustrated for weeks now dealing with the changes to my body with all the dental work and the choice of foods I need to make and this morning something I have been afraid of for weeks happened. I weighed in for the first time since I hit my goal weight, above my goal weight.

I had a mature reasoned response when she came over and asked me how I was doing after that.

Tears. I started to cry.

It just was too much, the thousands and thousands of dollars left to pay on the dental work, the overtime to offset the salary freeze at work, the workload and my weight just steadily incrementally creeping up. I am up just over 6 pounds from this time last year but it is a critical weight gain as my belly is bigger so all my clothes just don’t fit right.

And yes I fully understand that if I wasn’t doing Weight Watchers “stuff” it would be much worse.

Of course the problem is that I am eating too much of things that would not normally eat if I could chew properly and am not able to eat the things I normally would, oh almonds, oh celery, oh toast and crunchy english muffins!

It is a blip, a flash, a moment in time, a passing difficulty but it feels sad and effortful.

And as my leader pointed out, the real frustration is that I am not in control. My body has a mind of it’s own located in my gut. That is not really just a figure of speech. A lot of how we respond throughout our days is determined by the signals the gut and the vagus nerve are sending to the brain.

My body is going… I want to feel full girlfriend! Feed me. If you won’t… I am taking over down here.

Oh and then what is the deal with Facebook? The local garden picture I put up a few days ago that I like very much got likes from three of my exes.

Yes. I am grateful to have a wide variety of interpersonal contacts back there in my historical timeline in this lifetime and I am thrilled that I am on such good terms with so many of them but you know having only exes gets a little old when one is feeling overwhelmed and kind of sort of um broke and with no particular plans. Whine.

This too is a blip. It is all a blip in space and time.

A tired frustrated but essentially grateful blip.

One good thing…I got a new state of the art low flow toilet this week. It is very cool. I am thrilled to be using significantly less water…

…and enjoying downtime on this long holiday weekend. Maybe I can catch up on notes.

Last updated July 02, 2016