I hope there are dinosaurs in heaven. in After OD

My heart is aching right now.

The person I’ve considered my best friend for several years has been very distant for several months. We’ve had some issues, but she isn’t one to talk things out, but more so the type to hold a grudge. And so things have been awkward and we’ve really not been close at all for almost a year.

Yesterday her 8-year-old nephew was tragically killed in a car accident. She let myself and our 2 other close friends know right away via a private Facebook message. The news hit all 3 of us like a ton of bricks. When we were close, we often saw and interacted with this little boy at family parties. My daughter often played with him when the dads would get together and hang out. So, this little boy wasn’t a stranger to us.

He was a special child. It was obvious to most of us that he was on the autism spectrum, but his parents nor the school ever seemed to pursue a diagnosis and went on like he was a totally average kid. That always baffled us, but we didn’t treat him any differently either because he was a sweet kid and it wasn’t our place. He often seemed to be in his own world, and it was endearing in a way. I recall watching him at the sidelines of the kids’ soccer games and he’d dance and play alone, not minding at all that the other kids were playing the game. He had a love of animals, always pretending to be a cheetah, or a moose. His knowledge of dinosaurs was astounding. It was amazing what he could tell you about a T-Rex or a Triceratops. Most adults would never know that much.

The news that he had died instantly when they were rear ended at a stop light was dizzying. I got an immediate pain in my stomach. I literally thought I might vomit then and there. He’s a child. An innocent child. He’s gone. It isn’t fair. I keep thinking about the pain his family is going through. His dad survived, and when I put myself in that situation, I know I wouldn’t have wanted to be left behind knowing my only child is gone. I would have traded places for it to be me and not my kid. I keep thinking that his mom is probably inconsolable, and maybe blaming dad because she wasn’t there, and a parents job is to protect their child. How are they supposed to go home and face his things? How do they face a life without him?

My friend’s children spent every weekend with their cousin. Her youngest child is just 2 weeks younger than the boy in the accident. He knew his cousin was “different” though not really sure why, he made it his job to be his protector, his mentor, his best friend. How do children cope with that loss? I was touched by my daughter’s response when we told her what happened. She first cried, as to be expected, and then immediately said she wished she could be there to comfort her friends.

What makes this all so much harder is knowing what to do. As I mentioned from the beginning, my friend and I are not close like we once were. Reaching out isn’t as easy as it would have been a year ago. I’ve sent messages assuring her and her family that we are there for whatever they may need. I understand they are in shock, but it didn’t seem as though they were well received. In the past, I would have been at their door immediately with open arms and a shoulder to cry on. Now though, it just doesn’t seem appropriate, or welcomed. It adds a whole new layer of hurt to a situation that is already full of pain and tears.

At this point, I’m trying to find solace in the belief that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this child being different was a part of the plan. He was never fully here with us on earth to begin with, seemingly living somewhere else only he could see…

I hope there are dinosaurs in heaven.

Last updated June 28, 2016