More of the Same? in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

I can’t believe I have to be “this guy” but… coming in to work today felt Herculean. Obviously, I wanted to sleep but that wasn’t even the biggest issue of it. The biggest issue is this permanent reality that… the work keeps pilling up. There’s never LESS of it; there’s always MORE of it. And, really, if I could tackle each project with confidence and energy… that would be perfect. Never being bored is a GOOD thing. But… I’m turning into my boss. She’s a woman who is never “out from under” her work. There’s always “too much, swamped!” for her. I’m beginning to think it is that way for her for the same reason it is that way for me. If I didn’t have to reinvent the wheel every day… if I had some guidance (like 91 other counties in this state)… I could roll up my sleeves, dive in, and engage in the fight. But much like my boss… reinventing the wheel every day, fighting blind… you get swamped quickly and stay swamped.

(IMAGE DISCOVERED ON GOOGLE IMAGES: I cannot draw. At all. I wish I could do something this good!)

Vomit in the gut. Because this county might (honestly) get me disbarred. Which is why I didn’t go into Practice for myself. Because I didn’t want to get disbarred. The judge calling me asking me what she is supposed to do… could easily get me disbarred. The judge assigning fines to defendants after the case has been dismissed might get me disbarred. Filing what my boss requests I file… actually might get me disbarred! Why? Because my boss tells me to file things that she hasn’t updated in the last five to ten years. Tears my fucking hair out. THIS is why I tried to make the connections that I did while I was at Conference. Because my boss and my magistrate… might cost me my career. And I need help to keep that from happening!

I may have mentioned this previously… and I wouldn’t mention it now except for the fact that I just got a ton of new ultra important cases. Cases like… an ex boyfriend beating the shit out of his ex’s 6 month old daughter… three pounds of meth found on school grounds… and a man who broke into his ex g/f’s house (carrying a pistol) and slapped her in the face with it.

At the conference, every speaker said something along the lines of the following: “I know a lot of people in the room are new prosecutors so you’re feeling stifled. All you do is traffic cases and observation, traffic cases and writing, traffic cases and traffic cases. But this is good for you as it introduces you to law enforcement and judges.” Meanwhile, I’m thinking… yeah… no. Certainly I do traffic cases… but because of my boss… I also do violent cases and drug cases and juvenile cases and mental health cases. And observation? HA! That’s a laugh.

And it hit me… my boss has heard things like that for at least TWO DECADES. She has heard that every other county places first year prosecutors in Traffic Matters, and then the Supervising Attorney is supposed to help guide and instruct the first year prosecutor so that (in short order) the First Year Prosecutor can competently tackle larger more difficult tasks. That is not what has happened here! And in the only other county in the state that uses this county’s “no guidance” model? All of the law enforcement officers are requesting for the attorney’s resignation. Because if you don’t know what you’re doing… and you try your best to figure it out but fail… it isn’t a community of “That’s okay, you’ll get ‘em next time!” The Law Enforcement Community is more “You wrecked my case! I worked hard on that case and your incompetence screwed us over!”

And realizations like that? They fill my guy with worry, my eyes with sadness, and my head with nerves. Because… I want to learn. I want to improve. I don’t want to let anyone down. But I honestly don’t see this County (as it is) helping me to become Good. I can barely see them helping me to become competent.

As the day draws to an end… I have written the Motion, Order, Exhibit, Arraignment for three cases today… I have returned phone calls… I have worked on Subpoenas for Information in Regards to Patient Blood Draw (Pursuant to OWI Investigation requesting a special exception to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act)… I have put in a solid 8 hour day without a break. And I’ll tell you plainly… I still don’t feel like I’ve done enough today! There are cases that need my attention that need to be finished by Wednesday… and then there are the cases I need to prepare to try on Wednesday… and then there are the multitudes of cases that I need to work on that go before the Judge in two weeks.

So… what are my plans for the rest of the weekend?
After returning what is likely going to be one DOOZY of a phone call (Veda’s ex’s mother), I shall go to the store to procure food and drink. Then.... laundry, dishes, reading, and video games for tonight and tomorrow. Though… what I’d really like to do is set up my office. Make it so that I can do work from home every now and again. Finally use my desktop computer again (as I haven’t been able to since March.) Maybe even play some SWTOR or WOW. And… actually work on some of my creative projects again!! But… alas alack… that can’t be. No Desk and no desk-like place for the Desktop computer… and even if there was… that level of the house simply gets FAR too hot with our utter lack of air conditioning. Seriously… the heat stores so that, even on 88 degree days… that level of the house is COOLER opening the windows!
Then on Sunday, I’m planning (we’ll see if I follow through) to come back in to work and do a Secret Full Day. I’m salary so it isn’t like I get more or less money for when/how much I work… but people around here always react with shock and surprise when they find out how many hours I can and do put in here. And why shouldn’t I? I’m trying to figure all of this crap out on my own.