Third Beta in Inside My Head

So latest beta hcg level is 3330 and a progesterone level of 14. I had my first beta drawn 12 days past ovulation and it was 113 and then rose to 310 2 days later. I had my last beta drawn a week after my first. My doubling time is well within normal limits. My progesterone level dropped from 20 to 14 so I prescribed myself Prometrium. I’ll order a repeat progesterone level in a week to check.

Although the numbers look good, I’m still concerned. I’ve had relatively constant mild cramping in my right lower abdomen. It’s not severe and I’m not bleeding, but I’m a little freaked out. I keep Googling ectopic pregnancy symptoms. Google is not my friend. I always yell at my patients who admit to Googling their condition, but now I sort of understand.

I called my OBGYN who didn’t even return my message. I spoke to a nurse in the office who didn’t seem concerned and doesn’t think I need to be seen prior to the regular eight week appointment. I’m not quite sure how pleased they would be if they knew I was ordering labs and medications for myself, but I feel like they’re completely not taking my concerns seriously. This is the same office where one of the midwives told me ‘Oh, first trimester miscarriages are so common!’ This was right after I had a first trimester miscarriage…Maybe they are common for your office, but they are not common for me. I asked to never see the midwives after that.

I can’t leave this office as much as I’d like to. This is the main practice affiliated with my hospital. The other practitioners are solo providers, so if they’re sick or on vacation when I go into labor, you get stuck with whoever is on call. At least with this group you’re familiar with all of the physicians. Since I’ll be giving birth at the hospital where I work I walk out without a bill. More importantly it’s a good hospital with a good NICU. So I’m sort of stuck with this group. Which clearly sucks for me.

I find it incredibly ironic that I try and try and try to have a baby and nothing. Then I go through the process of infertility work up and treatment, get set up for IVF, and then get pregnant before the cycle starts. This is the second time this has happened. God has a fucked up sense of humor. At least I didn’t pay for everything yet. That would have been horrendous. If this pregnancy is successful, and if Mike and I try for a third baby, I’m not going back to the infertility office. If it happens it happens. The stress of coordinating lab draws, appointments, semen analyses, and talking to their horrific financial coordinator just isn’t worth it.

Michael doesn’t know yet. I don’t think he does, since I hid the pregnancy tests. The plan is to surprise him at Father’s Day brunch. I bought a little wooden egg, painted it pink and yellow and tied a little blue and white polka dotted ribbon around it. On the top I wrote ‘Baby #2 is due!” And on the bottom I wrote “ETA 2/2017.” When I found out I was pregnant with Sam I was so shocked I just blurted it out to Michael. And since I got pregnant right after I had miscarried I don’t think either of us were particularly joyful or optimistic. I want this time to be different.

I’m generally not a superstitious person except when it comes to my pregnancies. I’m starting to think I may jinx this pregnancy because I keep talking about it, and have already planned an announcement for Michael. I haven’t even had the ultrasound yet. I’m so thankful that I am pregnant, but I am absolutely terrified of losing it. To keep calm I try to remind myself that since everything looks good so far, there’s no reason to think something bad will happen. Right? Right.

Artist

Last updated June 16, 2016